From Where It Comes

It’s hot and very smoky. Smokier than I’ve ever seen it before here. A couple of days ago a nice cool front passed through bringing cooler temperatures but with it came a lot of smoke. I rode to work that morning in the sunshine and when I left work there was no sky in view and the visibility was less than half a mile. The air quality went into the dangerous zone for a while.

Since then it has gotten a little better but tomorrow, or tonight, another cool front is coming through and along with it more dense smoke.

The smoke definitely affects the mood and the body. I’m sneezing a lot and my eyes are burning all the time. The smell of burning smoke is always in the air, even though the fires are many hundreds of miles away.

A couple of days ago I had another storm within me. I’ve learned to not fear or feel anxious of the storms because they are just the opening of new awareness. They do hurt though and I don’t get much sleep.

The storm came the night after I wrote my last post. As I’ve said, when I write something it then becomes real within me. As I laid in bed during the storm my heart was talking nearly nonstop, which she rarely does. She basically told me that change was coming for me and it was time for me to begin to understand the creation of my own reality.

I asked her what I needed to do. She simply said that I need to just let it happen and to not fight against it.

Since then it has been interesting. The first day I felt rather irritated. It was the day of the heavy smoke in the air. I would look at people and I was beginning to see them differently, in a more raw way. I don’t think I could describe it very well at that time. I knew that I was nearly repulsed by women, seeing them as merely a flower in which they go to great lengths to show off their flower merely for the purpose of being pollinated.

This expression has become exploited to not be directed solely toward being pollinated but to gain status and attention for the ruling masculine energy. In general, I was viewing women as not expressions of the feminine energy but that of being servants of the masculine and nothing more. Dressing as the masculine has designed them to dress.

I watched a couple of videos about women and how they view their bodies. One was about their breasts. I found it interesting that many women are very focused on their breasts and many often envy the breasts of other women. Some of the women said that they look at the breasts of other women as much as men look at them. One woman speculated that men like breasts so much because they don’t have them and really want them.

Women do give a lot of attention to their form. They give a lot of attention to how they look in general. The standard for which they strive to look was created by the masculine and they do all they can to satisfy this standard because it can bring them comfort and security. Of course, it is also a social thing between women as they spend time with each other discussing new make up tips and fashion.

I watched a young woman at work, who was very lovely before, put on long thick eyelashes, which she attends to many times during the day with mascara, and coloring her hair. It definitely changed her look to more of something that borders on trying to be cute and “feminine” as well as desiring attention that might be expressed by a porn star or prostitute.

Basically, she did all of this to change her look and to try to express herself in a way that is both within the standard and what she feels expresses herself, all based on the reality of society.

As the days have passed since the storm, I’ve noticed that it is all about the reality of society. I see humans who are more like robots, all adhering to the reality of society. All of their expressions, even artistically, is based on the reality of society.

You can’t blame them because it’s all they have been taught since they were born.

This is the point that my heart is making. In order to create, or express, my the true reality within me, it requires letting go of the reality of society. I can now understand why this “journey” didn’t begin until that night when I looked up to the sky in a state of complete despair and exasperation at life, and said, “I’m completely alone in the universe.”

Yes, all of it was within me, but I was still trying to relate all that was within me with the reality of society. This was what caused me to fall into despair. Simply because it would never fit. I had to finally be willing to go on alone, which then caused me to never feel alone again. They great irony of it all and the definition of what it takes to break free of the illusion of the reality of society.

It is difficult. Much more difficult that when a person of a very devout religion breaks free, losing all their family and friends they have known all their life. It is similar to this but that person can always find others within the society in which to relate. But if you defect from the reality of society, well, you’re pretty much alone. In my case, completely dependent on my heart.

I’ve noticed I have felt angry and frustrated toward people. When I have these feelings my heart then asks me questions about my anger. Basically asking why I feel anger toward them. The answer right now is that I’m angry that there is all this smoke and heat. I saw that, based on the National Weather Service forecast, this winter will be much like last winter, meaning that it will be very mild. This means that next summer will be even worse than this summer. Water rationing will definitely come into play if the winter is mild like last year.

I feel anger because none of this would have come to pass if it weren’t for the Industrial Revolution and Capitialism. I’m not against progress in humanity but Capitalism is the true destroyer. To see these people out there doing as they always have done, but on steroids, doing it doubly, when there is smoke in the air coming from terrible fires burning that have burned more acres than last year at this time and are still burning out of control, yet they seem to not care in the least, or are not able to connect the dots, seeing how all those things they are buying come to become those things. Not seeing all the cargo ships going back and forth across the ocean. All the plastic that is being made to make those things. All the waste that is created that follow each of those things like breadcrumbs.

They simply seem to be unaware of the big picture. They only see the objects on the shelf, for which they hunger. Yesterday was so busy at the store that it beat last year by a lot. The place was utterly destroyed this morning when I came in.

And this is just one small view of the whole. Of the tens of thousands of stores out there in the country, all filled with people who drive to the store with the sole desire of buying more things. Their lives are simply that of going to work to fuel up their bank accounts, investing in companies to fuel it up even more while risking their earnings, then going to the store to buy things, which is a Capitalist tradition. Then the go home to use and consume these things. They go to a swimming pool or park or into their backyards, set up the toys and playthings, light the grill, throw on the steaks, open the beer, whiskey and wine, all traditions of Capitalism.

Then the go to the store again to get more things. Then they go back to work to fuel up their bank accounts again. Most of their lives are spent going from building to vehicle to building again. Spending little time outside. If they walked it is seen as unproductive time. In fact, they mock people who walk or ride their bikes to the store.

Yet, they see it all, the smoke right in front of their eyes, the stories on the news of great and terrible fires burning all around the world. They hear the stories and are experiencing in this area the makings of a historic drought. They see it all. Or do they?

Today I was talking with a young woman at work. I mentioned the smoke and she told me about her experience when it rolled in. She thought something was on fire near here home. Then she asked me, “Where is it coming from?”

So I told her the story.

Sadly, this is the state of much of the people in this society. They are completely unaware of their connection to all of this. Yes, there would be droughts even if there wasn’t an Industrial Revolution or Capitalism, but they wouldn’t be this bad. The only reason the drought of the 1930 in the US that caused the great Dust Bowl and the loss of many lives, was because of human over indulgence in the soil. Trying to become rich from the soil and over working it. Those farmers were doing very well, some building nice homes for themselves when it call came to a sudden halt with the perfect storm of a drought along with the Great Depression that came along with it.

What humans are facing now is another perfect storm. One that is not only affecting one small part of the Earth but it is affecting all of the Earth and most of them are completely unaware of how what they are doing today is what has brought all of this about.

So yes, I feel a bit angry with them as I also find myself being able to view them from outside of their reality. Seeing them at they truly are, not based on the illusions that they work so hard to portray that they have come to believe as being their own individual expression.

My heart then told me that by being angry with them I’m giving them value. That I need to take away that value. As well as taking away the value of the climate and the Earth, all of which will be fine. It’s humanity that won’t be fine. To take away value in general that connects me to their reality.

This is where it gets strange for me. At lunch I put on some Agnes Obel and I felt her music just carry me away deep into this “alternate” reality. The reality of the heart. My heart told me as I felt it to just let it happen. One of my fears is always that I will lose some sense of control in the reality of society. That I wont be able to provide for my body. My heart told me that all of that will be taken care of and to let go of those concerns. Just let myself fall peacefully into it.

It isn’t happening all at once but it is progressively happening each day. Like I said, the first day I couldn’t really describe what I was feeling and experiencing, but now I can describe some of those feelings and experiences. It’s all much like the “journey” as a whole, only it’s no longer about the same things that I experience. I can now see that all of this has been gradually happening throughout the “journey.” So gradual that I often didn’t notice.

Like always, I can only see where it all takes me. Like always, it will be interesting, at least for me.