Another Day

It’s not as hot as it could be today but maybe that’s because of the heavy layer of smoke that is filling the air. The smoke is back. They say that rain is on it’s way again. They showed the National Weather Service’s forecast for moisture in the next 6 to 10 days and it was above average where I live. The monsoon is supposed to come up enough to give some nice rain. Or it might just make it hot and humid. We will have to see.

This morning I watched a clip of a fire in California. It was just raging as it engulfed large trees and even entire communities. It was raw video with no commentary.

This morning I could literally smell the burned wood in the air from fires that are 500 to 1000 miles away. The mountains here are shrouded in the smoke, barely in view.

Yesterday I went to the hub to pick up a package, I ordered more kava. I really enjoy my kava and have to have it. I stopped there on my way home from work. As usual, the machine was rebooting and who knows when it would become active again. I still can’t figure out why it reboots in the late afternoon rather than overnight when no one is using it. Just another modern thing that perplexes me.

There was a man there with his daughter and two dogs. He said, “It’s not working.” He came out and I looked at the screen to see that it was rebooting. I said, “It’s rebooting again. At least that’s what they say at the office.”

He then turned and said, “I install those systems and it is rebooting.”

The first thought that came to my mind was why it is that no matter where I go, when something isn’t working and there is a man there, he always installed it, works on them or programs them. They are usually redneck type people with their CAT caps on and they, for some reason, have to say that they know all about those things because they work on them in some way.

People are so full of shit. For some reason they have to make themselves out to be better than they actually are, especially to strangers who can’t necessarily confirm their bullshit.

The funny thing is that if he actually worked on those system, he probably wouldn’t have said anything at all.

But it happens all the time. At least when I actually interact with people. Even in other situations people will exaggerate what they do so as to make it sound better than it actually is. It’s something about being something in this society because they are afraid of being nothing in the society. Always comparing themselves to the society. When they left, the daughter probably said to him, “Daddy, I thought you shoveled manure.” Children always have such a innocent, Asperger’s type honesty about them. I think that is part of having Asperger’s. You never grow up. You remain an innocent child. Though, when you get older, cynicism sets in because, after being used and hurt so many times, you simply don’t trust anyone anymore.

As I was riding home today on my bike, I looked at the trees all in a line on the side of the road. What came to mind reminded me of who I was when I was in my early 20s. I thought, “This is just wrong. Trees deserve to grow wherever the grow and not in a row specially placed because it’s where the blueprint placed them. They should be pruned by nature and, when their time comes, torn from the ground by nature. But there they were, all in a row, about 30 feet from each other, lining the linear rode that cars drive on.

I’ve noticed that much of my current perspective is much like it was in my early 20s. I don’t necessarily hate anyone but I have a complete and utter disdain for the society. I lost this during the decades where I tried to live within society based on it’s rules. That was a joke. It did nothing but spit me right back out.

I really don’t know what to make of it. I can see that there is much energy that is being generated through me at toward the society. Not so much at humans in general but the society they live within and dedicate themselves to serving.

This morning I saw a clip about the workers at Frito Lay. They have been on strike now for a few months because the company was overworking them. They were forced to work overtime. Some employees didn’t have a day off for 5 months. They said some committed suicide because it drove them crazy. They told a story of a man who was driving home from work after working a “squeeze” shift, which is working from 7am to 7pm and then coming back at 3am to work another 12 hours. They said that he pulled off to the side of the road because he was so tired. He fell asleep and didn’t wake up again.

The first thought I had after watching this was that if these people are suffering so much and are getting nowhere by striking, why don’t the people of the country just stop buying Frito Lay products until they resolve this?

It’s far to simple. But, of course, I thought of the people of this country. The fat, obese slobs who pour a jumbo bag into a bowl then sit down in front of the TV for their daily sitcoms are not going to give up their chips. And, most people don’t even keep up on current events and, even if they did, they would say that it is not their problem.

The same could be done with Amazon.

I mentioned this to a coworker at work. I then said that if we all worked together, rather then always fighting for our individual rights, which is actually destroying this country, then it would probably solve things such as homelessness and many other ills. Just by working together rather than at each other.

She replied, shaking her head, they will never do that. Everything is about them as individual. It’s me, me, me, in this country.

I noticed later that she saw another side of me that she seemed to like.

I was working in back for a while and decided to listen to some music. Instead of Agnes Obel, which isn’t really work music, I put on Primus. It felt so good to hear their lyrics of rebellion against the society along with the screaming guitar, bass solos and pounding drums. It was like through the music something lifted from me for a little while. Of course, at break and lunch it was all Agnes Obel, who isn’t all that different from Primus. Maybe in sound but they both play what they want to play by their own rules.

Last night I read a little about Agnes. I don’t usually do these things but I saw it and just started reading. She says that she strives to make music that can be interpreted by each person through their own perspective and not through her subjectivity. I can say that she succeeded there.

Of course the interviewer has to then ask her what some of the songs mean to her. She talked about how she doesn’t write the lyrics until later. That the music is it’s own story. Again, I can say she has succeeded in this as I get lost in the music. She is more focused on the music than the lyrics.

Then she gave her views on some of her songs, as to what they meant to her. I laughed because none of those songs have her message in them, at least to me. I hear and experience something completely different. I even hear different words than what are in the actual written lyrics.

Her meanings were actually very light where her music takes me to great depths. Even today, after reading her thoughts, while listening to those songs I thought, “No, it has nothing to do with what she said.” This is just how great of an artist she is. A genius in my opinion.

So I looked out at the world today, seeing all the seemingly never ending insanity. The people wandering about through the aisles seeking their next fix of an object to worship for a day or two before throwing it away or breaking it. But it is important, to buy things. It’s what keeps life going. If they stopped buying things then, as they seem to believe, life would stop and their would be no reason to live.

It’s interesting how this has all come about within me through my heart putting me into a perfect storm in my own life. Making me completely vulnerable. Cutting my hours at work and leaving me with concerns as to if I will even have a place to live in a couple of months.

Well, a few days ago I did put in that application for another job in the same company to see if I could get more hours. I had to do something. My manager caught wind of it and today I simply told him that I can’t survive on what I am making. I have talked with other departments and they say they have hours but they need me to work during the times that I’m already working. I’m stuck on those hours because my manager wants me to be the department manager. I told him that being a department manager is nothing but a detriment to my life, not a benefit. The harder I work it seems the more they punish me.

Well, he understood completely and said he will talk with the upper management. He wants me to remain where I am because he has put a lot of time and energy into training me.

But I can say, this perfect storm has put me into a mood and, really, it has put me in a position that millions of people in the US have to live with all the time. It’s just how terrible it is in this country for an average person to live.

I thought about how so many people are trying so hard to come here, and I can understand because most of them are coming from countries that the US has destroyed or is exploiting in some way. Having changed their governments into corrupt governments, like that of the US, so they can control them with money and gain access to all of their resources, even if it means the suffering of the population of that country. So they migrate 1000s of miles through treacherous territory to come to the US to escape their once homes that have been destroyed by the US.

In other cases, it’s climate migration, their countries have been destroyed by climate change, all caused by the US and other wealthy countries. So they come to the US and hope to live a life here in this hell because it’s better than having nothing at all because the US has taken it all.

Basically they are coming to where the wealth of their countries have gone, to ask the thief who caused them to have to uproot and leave the homes they once loved, to come to the US simply to survive on the crumbs that the US is willing to give to them. At least it’s better than living in fear all the time in countries ruled by corrupt leaders who care only for the money they are getting and not for their own people. Well, it’s pretty much the same here in the US, there’s just more crumbs to go around.