A Warm, Humid Day

Temperature wise it’s a cooler day but with the humidity it still seems rather warm. The moist air from the South continues today and there might be a stray rain shower this afternoon. One can never tell with this monsoon moisture because they can’t predict where a storm will occur. They usually occur a little later in the day with the heating of the Sun.

I couldn’t bring myself to write yesterday simply because I was still processing many things that have been happening. I could have described them then but I just felt I should wait until today and see how it all looks now.

Yesterday was a good day for tennis, at least for me. Most of my favorite ladies did very well. Sadly, Lauren Davis went out in the second round. She really surprised me in the first round taking it within an hour in straight sets. I was very happy to see this. But yesterday she seemed lacking in energy and it just wasn’t happening for her.

There has been a different feeling within this year’s Wimbledon. Most players are complaining about the conditions of the court because of all the rain. Players are slipping on the courts. I can’t understand the complaining because there’s nothing they can do to change this.

I enjoyed watching Alize Cornet win over another top 10 players in straight sets. I would say it was one of her best matches ever. She was on. Even one of the commentators said that this match will probably be one of the best played of the entire tournament. I was so beautiful to enjoy her playing so well. She did this even though the match had been postponed the previous day due to weather and now she has to play again today with no break.

Camila Giorgi is doing very well. She played magnificently in the first round and I’m now watching her second round match on demand as it was one of the early matches today. She lost the first set but is doing well now though the match is pretty much equal right now.

Petra Kvitova went out in the first round, which was a little disappointing but it was she who lost the match. Again, she didn’t seem to be energized.

Serena Williams went out in the first round, having to retire in the first set because she slipped and it seems she injured herself. It was sad to see. I have noticed that I no longer have any animosity for her as a player as the other players now know they can defeat her and come out with that attitude. As a commentator said, the fear factor that was once there is gone.

She was in tears and, I’m sorry, it’s terrible to watch a once great champion go out of the sport like this. I’ve watched her lose match after match in the early rounds and now to see her in tears, broken down. She really should have retired a couple of years ago. I would say she should have come back for a year after having her child, just to show that a woman can still play after having a child, then retire.

Last night I watched the second part of the Nick Kyrgios match. He’s another male player I enjoy watching. I also watched the first part which ended because it was curfew and they had to end it. It was definitely a high testosterone match, which is common with Nick.

In my opinion, and I believe in the opinion of many others in the sport, Nick is a genius at tennis. A Mozart of sorts. Yet, he has a very self defeating attitude that just frustrates so many people, even the top men players.

He really could have won the match early on but he just let it go. It’s like he knows he is good and likes to put on a show, putting himself into difficult situations and then showing that he can come out of it with his talent. This is what he did in this match, constantly putting himself into unnecessary situations then coming out of them.

He is also a major complainer. He as constantly complaining about the conditions of the court. After Serena’s fall the day before, in the second part of the match he took a fall and made it look like he was seriously hurt. We could all tell he was just making a scene. One of the commentators, after a brief pause as he started to say it, wondering if he should say it, said, “I think he’s been watching too much football and was expecting a yellow card.”

He then got up and finished off the match, but not with much drama, still making it far more complicated than it should have been but the crowd loved it and they love him, just I enjoy him. I love shouting at him through the TV, “Come on Nick! Just do it!” only to shake my head as he tries a between the legs shot.

It was like he took the match to the exact point he planned, the fifth set at 7 games to 7, then he just took off and broke his opponent’s serve and then served it out. He had been playing from behind the entire time. If he would have lost a single service game he would have lost the match.

As the commentator said at the end, “It was a blockbuster match.” Just like he was creating drama and suspense like in a movie.

As for me, the thought that came to mind yesterday described the feeling that everything just seems to be falling away. I thought about how people rebel against the society by breaking the rules and trying to defy it in physical ways.

I have found the ultimate rebellion is that of simply being able to deny the society completely. This is one of the ultimate spiritual goals of most spiritual people and also one of the most difficult. As I read in a wonderful short story by a very talented blogger, a woman of course, who was writing about finding the true, or real, self. “Finding one’s self is a journey that seems to lead to more breaks than success, as many have tried and few have survived to tell the tale.”

Looking back I am simply amazed that I’ve survived all that I’ve been through on this journey and to see that I am now facing the things I most feared throughout my life. The falling away of any place or feelings within the society. Something that I always feared would cause me to be completely alone in the world, but finding that I’m far from being alone in this place. In fact, I was far more alone while I was still holding on the perspective and reality of the society.

I went to the grocery store today just to buy a few things but ended up making it a major shopping trip. It was very heavy carrying everything home. I couldn’t understand but while I was there I found myself saying, “Oh, I should get this.” and then deciding to get other things. Nothing out of my usually diet but simply getting most everything.

As I was doing this I noticed just how strange my diet has become, this mixture of vegetarian with some dairy such as eggs and cheese. I eat such simple meals. I’ve found a wonderful meal is simply that of a couple of Boca burgers with Swiss cheese and tomato on it along with either some air fried potatoes, fries or tots, or a baked potato with sour cream, diced onions and bacon bits. I am so satisfied after this meal and it really isn’t all that expensive as well as being very simple to make.

Though I have other meals that I’ve talked about in previous posts that I made sure I had enough of the ingredients.

At the self check out I noticed they now have a person manning the door. This was new. I have been going to this store for well over 10 years and have seen nothing of the sort. I talked with self checkout person, who I’ve seen there for about the same amount of time, she told me that they have been losing over $1000 a day from people just walking out without paying. She also can’t leave her post for anything.

I’ve noticed at the store where I work that they now place alarm sensors or lock up most anything over $50. This is also new. They put these sensors on backpacks, the kick scooters, which are also attached to a literal alarm that has to be unlocked by an employee just to take one off the shelf, they also put these sensors of Legos and other toys. This is is just in the areas that I frequent. I’m sure they are doing in the beauty sections also.

I heard that someone walked out with about $3000 worth of electric and kick scooters. Others have walked out with expensive Lego sets. I find empty packages lying behind other things all the time. They just open small packages and then pocket them. I find open make up packages in the toy department all the time.

It’s interesting to think that the movement toward a more totalitarian society is actually being caused by the people. But the cause actually goes back to the society itself for making people believe that in order to have a certain status they must possess certain things. Even with children, having certain toys gives them status among their peers. Of course, money gives a person status, thus the reason for the big hauls that they then sell online.

At the same time, I realized that what I’m doing, my spiritual journey, is also causing this, or helping to cause it. It is causing the society to degrade and decay. All that was once based on, what I would call, a masculine honesty or willingness to abide by the rules of the society, are seriously degrading.

Of course, the society will simply strengthen their controls over what they value but this will not control those who are a part of the decay. They will simply become more angry because they can’t access those things that give them greater status in the society.

It surprised me to realize that this is being caused by the raising of the feminine energy within the society. As I continue to raise the feminine energy within me, I find that I’m more and more unaffected by the society. I see the programming that has been so effective of the years and see is as nothing but absurd, to say the least.

As I written in previous posts, simply walking about within the society, seeing things that have been common to me and even going completely unnoticed by me, now stand out as completely absurd.

Yet, again facing one of the fears that I had throughout my life, the fact that I am now no longer affected by the society, first off I’m not alone in the least, and I can also function within the society just fine, seeing it merely as the current physical reality and thus I have to interact with it based on it’s laws, though on the basic or more general laws which allow me to be able to freely walk within the society.

Yet within I live within a reality that is very different from the reality of society. I do things for different reasons that most people do around me. I interact with others for different reasons. I see others differently that they see themselves. I see myself differently than ever I saw myself throughout my life.

I looked around my apartment today and saw that it isn’t in chaos. I still generally take care of myself and my environment. It is slightly cluttered but it has always been this way. In fact, in the past it has been even more cluttered. Things are generally clean though I don’t clean things to sterilization as I don’t mind allowing some bacteria to live so as to keep my own immune system strong.

My body is nothing more than a machine and I’m it’s operator, guided by my heart. The interesting use of herbs and supplements that work within me near perfectly often amazes me, after a life of having wasted so much money experimenting with herbs and supplements to find what I was looking for and not ever finding it.

The fact that some come to the forefront at some times and others I use periodically, only to sometimes come to the forefront of regular use for a period only to be replaced or eliminated for a period of time, all without me consciously planning any of it.

Yesterday I woke a little uneasy, with a few worries on my mind. I found it interesting that these worries didn’t have the power they used to have. My first question was, “Why am I having these concerns today but yesterday they were far from my mind?”

It simply shows that my ego is still trying to get my attention but the power is becoming less and less. It’s been a few weeks since I’ve had a storm within me. In fact, I have gotten used to not expecting them. All while I continue to feel like the things I used to value, the things that often caused me so much worry but I felt I had to somehow attain them because the society says they are important, fall away from me. I can now experience life in a much more pure way as desire of most all kinds, including sexual desire, has ceased, but still I enjoy passion and the enjoyment of beauty.

In fact, what I would term as being physical sexual desire and the feelings this would bring about within me, has changed in the way that I feel it. I still feel the sort of pleasure or stimulation of it, only it is within me not so much experienced by the physical body. That’s the best way I can describe this part.

Well, Camila just lost her match. She is still such a joy to watch and I love her as I love all my favorite players. I still get to watch Alize Cornet later.

This is some of the things I’ve been experiencing and observing lately. Each day it seems to deepen and become more profound. I’m enjoying it and mostly enjoying that I am facing some of my greatest fears and finding that these fears, just as all fears, are completely unfounded and, as with most fears, caused by the instruction and teachings of the society. The very programming that I see running in the eyes of most people I pass and interact with each day.