A Strange Day

Today I enjoyed what could be the last of the cooler days for awhile. But then again, that could change at any time. Right now the forecast shows hotter days to come. But not as hot as it will get in the Northwest, which is strange. It will be in the mid to upper 90s F. here and they say it will get up to as hot as 113 up there where it is usually cooler.

I saw that, because of the grasshopper infestation that is happening, the Dept. of Agriculture is thinking of using pesticide to control them. Yet the use of pesticide will also kill the insects that are good for crops, like bees and other pollinators. When the “environmentalists” pointed this out, the government said that they have to do something.

This caused me to think of how humans in this society react toward “threats.” They act in a very masculine way, through force. They must eliminated the threat. Just as they are doing with the virus, using vaccines that are not fully tested but are being tested on a large scale now with us as the guinea pigs.

Much like how they report new things happening with the virus, such as when the Delta variant first appeared. In order to prevent a panic they would say that the vaccine will prevent any illness from the variant. Now they are finding that people who are vaccinated are getting sick from the variant, just not as sick as unvaccinated. I’m sure this will change as more data comes in.

Today was a very strange day. It all began the moment I got to work. Somewhere between when I left and when I arrived the power went out in a large area. I know it was out from where I live all the way to where I work.

I walked into work and it was dark, except for the minimum lights, looking like it does when I work the very early shift. Yet there were people still shopping and the registers were working, all from generators.

The last time this happened the power was out for about 6 hours through the night, they lost nearly $100,000 in food. This time they tried to save as much as they could but probably lost some food. They literally had to wait for the next shipment to replenish.

This made me think about just how fragile the infrastructure really is. It is literally walking on a thread that could break at any time. Much like how it felt all day with no managers in our areas and a skeleton crew. If any of us would have called out today they would have been terribly backed up. There was one department where no one showed up and, because there were no managers to manage the people, none of their freight was put on the shelves, leaving many carts filled on the line. I’ve never seen this before.

It’s interesting what happens when one manager goes on vacation. They don’t adjust for it. It was the weekend for the other managers to be off and they didn’t adjust this. They just let it ride. Just walking a very thin thread.

I literally had to tell other coworkers what areas they were working in because they just came in and started working wherever they wanted to work. I don’t want to be the manager but I figured if they didn’t go to the correct area then the freight wouldn’t be stocked in those areas, leaving many more carts in back on the line. Really I should have just let it ride, and I thought about it, but my Asperger’s wouldn’t allow me to go through with it. The damn Asperger’s has to be honest about everything.

As the day progressed I noticed I was becoming a bit frustrated. The lights went back on and the customers poured in as they always do on Saturday. I was very behind in my work and they were getting in the way.

But then I noticed something. First, I decided to manually shut down rather than let myself become overly stimulated which would cause an automatic shut down which is harder to restart. Just let it go and do what I can. It is hard simply because I know how they work. Once my stats get to low, or my back stock gets to high, they will come to me expecting me to get it right as quickly as possible. This causes a feeling of dread on me and also makes me realize just how much I hate positions of responsibility. I just want to go to work, do my routine and go home.

Within all of this I noticed that my perspective was very strange. At one point, just to occupy my mind, I thought of what it would be like for another being from another world to come here and see humans as they are now.

From this a dialog started in my mind. Things like, “They gather together socially in buildings that are filled with things that they have manufactured into images and forms then they give them a value. Each person seems to value each item differently. The more they value the item the more likely they are to exchange what they have for the rate that is being asked for the item.”

“They also seem to do this with each other. They seem to value each person differently. Some they value highly while others they value very low. This value seems to be based upon status attributed to wealth and occupation. Those of lower occupations receive less wealth and therefore are of lower status. Those of higher status expect those of the lower status to serve them.”

On and on it went for a while. This caused me to think, “Am I really from this world? If not, then where am I from? Why is it that when I listen to the music of Agnes Obel I feel like I’m listening to music from another place? A place that I call home.

“Will I ever be able to return to my home which corresponds to how I view and see life?”

Because really, everything I was thinking in that first dialog was exactly how I view humans most every day, just not as literal. What they do is very strange to me. What I have to do to live among them is very strange to me, much like I know of something else.

I had to wonder if this comes simply because I have disconnected from their societal value system and no longer equate my value to what they value. I see each and every one of them as equal, that is, until they treat me as unequal, then it confuses me.

One thing I’ve noticed since I have gone back to allowing the feminine to fully express herself through me is that it not only changed how I view and experience women, it affected many other types of people. I noticed that any leftover concepts of difference that was within me pertaining to say black people is gone. I now view black people with the same purity that I view women.

I see their color but I seem to look right through it into who they truly are within, not attaching any value to the color of their skin other than it is different from mine. It has opened up so much beauty when I experience black people now. Such a beautiful openness. There is one black young woman there who, in the past with that slight leftover concepts still within me, I wasn’t able to see as truly beautiful. Now I’m in love with her for her great beauty. This is truly a dream come true. The beauty of her physical looks but more so for the beauty of her as she truly is within, in her heart.

I love that we pass each other now with kind and sincere greetings along with a smile. Because of our conversation a few weeks ago, we formed a sort of coworker bond. That conversation seemed to narrow the divide between my whiteness and her blackness. We met on common ground with common ideas of life and listened to each other’s views.

This added component makes it even greater. More like it should have always been had it not been for the teachings of society throughout history that still remains today. I does prove that it is instilled into the system, which many people argue, a system that is even ignorant that they are doing it in some way. Just like how I can’t understand how other people can view themselves as better than others simply because of their wealth and status, it is hard to understand why they would value another person any less simply because of the color of their skin.

So I can only wonder where it is that I’m really from. At times I wish I could just go back there. If I knew death would get me back there then I might consider it. Yet, I also know that I’m on a mission here. I’m here to observe and document humanity as it self destructs. It is a pain in the ass most times. Most times I would rather be doing something else, like being home. But I’m here and I’ve survived some of the most terrible suffering in the life to get to where I am today. So I will stay and do my part for my heart, but I can’t say that I will ever stop longing for home. I’m so grateful for the music of Agnes Obel that, for some reason, reminds me of home.

Later in the day my sister and my youngest niece came in to the store. They were looking for a drone to give to my neice’s son. I showed them the drones. They didn’t want the large one with the camera and auto pilot. There as another larger one that wasn’t as expensive, without a camera and auto pilot. Then there was a little nano one that interested them but seemed too small.

After a hug and showing them the drones, I left them to decide. It was funny that when I went back to the cart and the first box I picked up and opened had a drone in it. A drone in between the larger one and the nano one. I took it over to show them and it was exactly what they were looking for.

We didn’t say much. We never do. I was at work and had a lot to do. But it was nice to see them as I don’t see them very much anymore.

In tennis news, Angelique Kerber beat Petra Kvitova. I really wasn’t all that disappointed. I saw the once number one Angelique playing out there. She has been struggling lately. It’s been three years since she has one a title and the last six or so months she has been playing like a lower ranked player, often never getting beyond the second or third rounds.

So, when I saw her playing like her old self, it was wonderful to see. Then I watched the final this morning where she played like I haven’t seen her play in years. Just like the champion she once was. It was so beautiful to watch and I think she is going to do well at Wimbledon.

Jelena Ostapenko, another favorite of mine, did well in her tournament, winning the final. She too has been struggling for along time, ever since she won the French Open a few years ago, her debut major open.

Now I can see the reason behind me subscribing to the bundle of Hulu, Disney+ and ESPN+. Wimbledon will be broadcast on ESPN and most of the matches require Plus. I can only hope that means they are also commercial free. If not, I can always wait for the rebroadcast on The Tennis Channel. But I always enjoy watching them live and being able to cheer them on as they are playing. So we will see and I can always mute the ads.