From the Lighter Side

I was able to enjoy a nice thunderstorm with rain that lasted about an hour. It has since moved on. I hope the cloud cover stays until nightfall so that it doesn’t get hot and humid. Then it would be nice if the clouds lifted after sunset to allow for a nice cool night. Well, those are my hopes. If it actually happens is far beyond my control. I can only accept what comes.

It’s been a nice day of tennis. I enjoyed watching Camila Giorgi defeat the number one seed Aryna Sabalenka. Sabalenka is one of the power hitters that I believe ruins women’s tennis. She likes to come out and intimidate her opponents in a very masculine way. She calls herself a wild cat or something like that and she shrieks like a cat each time she hits the ball.

I watched the match live until the third set, where it seemed that Sabalenka was going to overpower Camila. I could see that Camila seemed a little intimidated by the powerful hits that were returning to her, but yet she also had a look of, “I’m going to do this.” on her face.

What I like about Camila is that, even though she is a lower ranked player, she has great fight and heart within her. She is very feminine, coming out in full make up and always dressed in fashionable outfits, like a Barbie doll in a way. Yet she puts up a great fight on the court.

Her and Alize Cornet have been struggling lately, just to get passed the second round. It wasn’t until I subscribed to Tennis Channel Plus that I was even able to see them play, being they are two of my favorite players. So I’ve been able to watch them more over the past couple of months and I’ve enjoyed each match, win or lose.

Well, in the last tournament, Alize Cornet made it to the semi finals. Today Camila has made it to the semis in this tournament. Sadly Alize went out in the second round to Victoria Azarenka, who I don’t like at all. Even more so after this match.

Right in the middle of a game where Alize as starting to take hold of the match, Azarenka took a medical time up. As far as I know, they usually have to wait until at least the end of the game to call for a trainer, unless severely injured. But she just walked over and sat down telling the umpire to call the trainer with the score 15 – 15.

She left the court and didn’t return for about 15 minutes. As far as I know, a medical timeout is only supposed to last 3 minutes. I’ve even read where if they take longer, each minute that passes where play could have resumed costs them a point. It’s basically like if they were playing but sitting idle. But this might be rules for a different game of tennis.

Alize complained several times about the length of the timeout but nothing was done. She came back to the court and ended up winning the match.

I looked it up later and found that Azarenka has taken several controversial medical timeouts in her career. She is one who has to win, even if by cheating within the rules, whatever those rules really are. I believe there is some politics involved as I don’t think all players would get away with this else we would see it much more.

Back to Camila’s match. Anyway, I stopped watching in the after the third game of the third set. It really looked like Camila was going to be overpowered and I don’t like seeing this in women’s tennis, a brute bully attacking a talented feminine player.

Oh, how bad I felt when I looked up the results later to see that Camila won. I have never given up on her in the past but when she is out against a beast I gave up on her. It taught me to never give up on the feminine. So I went back and fast forwarded to where I left off and enjoyed her victory with her, saying that I was sorry to her several times while watching. She began winning the very next game, if only I would have stayed. Or, maybe I was to leave to let her win without me.

I don’t know. I still treasured the victory and being able to hear her speak afterward in the court side interview, which she doesn’t always get to do. In fact, it wasn’t until her previous match where I have ever heard her speak. Usually she plays, wins and then isn’t asked to speak simply because she is such a low ranked player usually going out in the early rounds.

Today I was thinking of how most of my recent writing has been expressing my rather deep, philosophical art. I haven’t really expressed the lighter things going on. I think those things are important to document also.

From previous posts, I’ve been coming to allow my feminine heart to express herself more freely. It came to me today what my heart seems to be doing. I came to see that what makes me feel stressed in life isn’t so much life but the feeling that I have to keep secrets from the world. Such as having a feminine heart and also having Asperger’s.

Well, I opened about my Asperger’s at work and I felt a great relief in doing this. I thought back to when I had that very honest and open conversation with one of the upper managers about 4 or so months ago, before I was aware of my Asperger’s. Before I had that meeting my blood pressure was in the hypertensive range and had been there for over a week. When I went to the doctor the next day it had dropped to 109 over 76. I said to the nurse, “It’s gone in the opposite direction to where I’m going to die on the other side of the range.” She laughed and said that it was a good reading.

So the last secret that I am holding from the world is that of my feminine heart, which I am slowly coming to express. Like my heart said, take baby steps. Even those baby steps are creating seeming miracles in my life, as I wrote about in my previous post.

I’ve noticed that these rituals that my heart has given to me are also becoming routine. Like I’ve said before, I come home from work and put make up on only to wash it off later before I go to bed. But this is somewhat the same routine the most women go through each day, only doing it first thing in the day, having to add more make up through the day to keep it up, only to wash it off and moisturize at the end of the day.

I can see that this routine for me is helping me to get used to seeing myself this way. Just like painting one finger on my left hand, the first time it looked odd to me as I’ve never done it before. But now I do it regularly and I’m getting used to seeing it. It is the same with the make up. I am actually wearing light make up out into the world and being more and more expressive with it each time.

The secret really has nothing to do with wearing make up in general. Make up is the tool that is currently used to express the feminine. When I use it to express the feminine it is seen as strange to other people because men don’t wear make up. But I’m not a man. I am actually a female in a man’s body. Within me I am nothing more than any other woman. By doing these routines it helps me to see that I am one of them. By doing so, it connects me to them through the heart and not through a need or desire to try to connect through physical intimacy. It is a true connection not a false connection that is finite and last only a temporary amount of time.

Connection through the heart is infinite and true, with no lies, manipulation or seeking to gain anything from another. It is pure. This is the best part of all of this, being able to enjoy the beauty of women in it’s purity. To be able to truly experience the dynamic beauty of the feminine that goes well beyond physical beauty. All the while being able to enjoy the physical beauty through pure eyes with no desire. This is really a dream come true for me.

So I enjoy all of these seemingly vain routines that create much deeper connection to what I most love and adore in this life, the feminine as a whole.

I still can’t eat meat. In fact, the heat has caused me to have little appetite at all. I go to the store and I often can’t figure out what I want to eat. I have been living mostly on protein bars, tator tots smothered in cheese and topped with diced jalapeno peppers, peanut butter and honey sandwiches along with pepita seeds and eggs for breakfast.

My main protein coming from the eggs, a 20 gram of protein soy protein bar and maybe a little too much cheese. Oh, and I do eat what I guess would be termed as Quesadillas, where I just put some cheese in a tortilla and then smother it with diced jalapeno peppers then I zap them for about 45 seconds. All accompanied by a glass of banana sweetened almond milk, which is my favorite. I do take a few vitamin supplements in the morning along with several herbs like Tulsi throughout the day.

Today I decided to get some Boca burgers. I also bought some Swiss cheese and tomatoes. I have eaten these meatless burgers before and enjoy them but I do so eating them plain on bread. So they aren’t too exciting and don’t have me coming back for more. This time I made them as I would a hamburger and it was very good. So I will eat more of them. I also bought the mock chicken patties, spicy, just to see what they are like. I read a review of the burgers and one said he liked the chicken patties better so I thought I would give them a try.

I just need quick and easy things else I just won’t eat and when I don’t eat I feel terrible. But the heat just makes me lose my appetite.

Oh, I did also buy some potatoes for baked potatoes. This meant that I also had to buy bacon bits and sour cream. The only way I can eat a baked potato is if it is smothered in sour cream, bacon bits and diced onions at the minimum. I can add more but nothing less. I might try some diced jalapeno peppers on one since I enjoy them on everything else.

I’ve also continued watching the TV show “Fringe.” I had to purchase the fourth season because I already owned the first three and I could have watched the forth with ads but after 3 episodes of 23 in the season, I just couldn’t take it so I bought the season which was on sale at the time.

I was considering buying the fifth season but I held off. Then, when I got to it I decided to start it with ads for free. I’m glad I did. The series basically ended at the end of the fourth season. They just pushed it into some bizarre but fun scenerios in the fifth season and I can see why there were only 13 episodes in the fifth before it was cancelled. Much like how “X-Files” lost it’s way around the fifth season but went on for several more years but I rarely watched beyond the fourth or fifth season.

Still, I’m doing to watch “Fringe” to the end, using the advice of Eckart Tolle about watching TV. He says to just mute the ads. So I do and I don’t get agitated as I do when I have to listen to them. I really think the power is in the sound, not in the images as much. Like some people think they put subliminal messages in the images. I think those images are actually in the sound because, since I no longer watch many shows with ads, watching only an hour long show with ads, listening to the ads, will leave me feeling agitated. If I simply mute them I don’t feel agitated, other than having to wait to get back to the show.

The fact that I now have Tennis Channel Plus means that I have all the tennis I could ever watch with no ads. This is what I have on the majority of the time. What I love most about it is that I can watch only women’s matches, except for Nadal who I enjoy watching on the men’s side and I hope he continues a little while longer after losing in the French Open. I hope to see him a Wimbledon.

I do watch “America’s Got Talent” each week. The last episode I was blessed by the streaming company with no ads. Just one at that beginning, that really wasn’t so much an ad but just the hosts of the show getting in a car that they focused the camera on, showing it’s features and then they pretended to be racing on a track, though we all know it wasn’t actually them driving that fast and crazy on the track. I like that they do that occasionally at least, letting me enjoy a show without ads.

It’s seems I’ve rambled on over my 2000 word limit. I could write about other things but I will save them for later.

Oh yes, one more thing. Today I received the last package of my spending spree which contained the Lapis Lazuli bracelet that I ordered. I went for the smaller 6mm beads and I’m glad I did. Oh, it is wonderful and feels wonderful. I can wear it all the time, though I think I will buy some more in time with different stones, such as Amethyst and possibly Rose Quartz. It does feel very good on my wrist, not just the physical feel but there is a nice energy coming from it which I enjoy.