From Nothing Comes Everything

It’s not quite as hot as yesterday. Low 90s F. rather than high 90s. It’s still rather warm. It’s interesting how the different between 85 degrees and 90 isn’t all that different but from 90 to 95 is an extreme difference. Then each degree above that is definitely noticeable.

It seems that Serena Williams didn’t make it again for her dream to be the all time record holder champion. She lost to a young woman who is ranked higher lower than her. I wonder if Serena will end up being like a child who is held back in school for 5 years until they are much older than the rest of the class and looks very out of place. She already has that look. Maybe she will finally let it go. But I think it’s just the American mentality. To always be the best with no regards to logic in attaining it.

This came to mind from something I wrote yesterday about a former friend of mine. After writing I decided to look them up and see how they are doing. It’s amazing what appears about people from a simple Internet search. They now have data sites that compile information from the social network and form somewhat of a story of them.

I could see that they haven’t been really active lately in social networks. Now I have to be a member of Facebook to view their site so I couldn’t see much there other than a few photos. I have no desire to have a Facebook page. But I could still make out somewhat of a story from all the other things I found.

His daughter was actually into fashion designing. I haven’t seen his children for over 10 years. I used to be rather close to them. His son is more of a skateboarder type person, though he is into working on and driving fast cars.

His daughter is more active in the social networks so there was plenty to see to date in places like Instagram.

I could see that his daughter has suffered from depression. She did get married to what seems to be a nice man. She lives in a new home. She states she enjoys writing but most of what she posted were quotes by other people. Quotes for inspiration and motivation. I find this is something people who are struggling for their own identity and possibly with depression do. They seek out inspiration from others because they can’t find it in themselves.

I then took a look for my former friend, who is far more antisocial that I ever have been in my life. He doesn’t do the social networking. I noticed that there was only one photo of him on any of the social networks of his family. It was a photo of him sitting by a camp fire, staring at the flames with a stern, fierce, tense look on his face while others around him were talking and laughing.

This was always his way. He dedicated his life to objectivism. He believed that nothing is subjective and emotions are nothing more than weakness. Distractions from the truth. “A rock is a rock and it will never be nothing more than a rock.” Is something he would often say during our many debates.

The main thing I was looking for was if he was still alive. He drank alcohol very heavily. In the photo there was a drink sitting next to him.

I found a LinkIn resume for him. He has been with the same company for nearly 30 years. He is a sales executive. From some of the data sites they said he is making over $250,000 a year. He still lives in the same home. He would also do design drawings for houses on the side. He didn’t list this but he did list that he did a design for a 5 story apartment building.

When I finished looking at all of these things, as I laid down in bed last night, I noticed an array of feelings. I felt anger toward him. How he used to treat me. I really didn’t like him. I came around because I enjoyed being around his wife and children. Mostly his children.

But, when everyone went to bed, out came the whiskey bottle and we would drink and debate intensely, me from a more spiritual perspective and him from an objectivist perspective. I could always tie him up in knots as he would try to make everything seem cold and empty in life. “Rock is a rock…”

I would argue that if two people were in two different accidents, but in similar ways, they would experience the accident differently within them. He would argue that everyone would experience the accident the same. He would often argue that how he views the world is how everyone views the world, if they weren’t attached to emotions. He believed his way of viewing life as being superior to all others. Everyone else was stupid.

Yes, I always thought I was a lonely person but he is sadly one of the most lonely people I’ve ever known, and yet he has a wife and two children. I noticed that his children don’t talk about him at all in the things they have on social media. Not even his wife. His daughter posted a photo of her with her mother saying, “My best friend in the world.”

This caused me to remember something a man told me many years ago. I’ve always argued from the perspective of emotion. He was telling me that a father who might be distant from his children emotionally but provides for them is showing them love in his own way.

I could see that my former friend’s children would defend him in the same way, but only as being a good provider and nothing else. For me, it would be of much greater value to be, well, known as your child’s best friend. Someone emotionally connected to them and valued in that way.

My former friend always went to great lengths to declare himself as being unique. He even spelled the names of his children as uniquely as possible. What I found interesting about this at the time, but never said anything, was that many other people at that time were doing the same. Exchanging “Y” for “I” and such.

He’s now at the age when one could make out his life as a whole. What he stood for throughout his life. I couldn’t find anything unique about anything in his life. His children are average. His life is average. There are many people who have homes and children who make $250,000 a year. They have to make that much to live any quality of life in the US.

He will one day retire and, in doing so, will probably succumb to illness and basically just waste away in his older years, much like many other people do.

I remember driving around with him and his family. He liked to go for drives. He would take us to all the houses he had designed, pointing them out and saying, “I designed that.”

Yes, he worships “I” and nothing more. I can see that his life was all about making monuments to himself, which isn’t unique in the US. Many people are making monuments to themselves in their lives. Living for their accomplishments and then bragging about them to other people. “Look at me! I’m special!”

This is how he used to think of himself as being unique, mainly because his craft was somewhat different from others. That he came to do it without going to school and he believed the homes he designed were more practical than those homes designed by those who had gone to school and do it the way they are taught to do it.

Yet, even then, I saw nothing unique. The homes looked much like the homes around them. Just these modern plastic type homes, lacking in any character, like brick and stone give to them. Placed on identical lots as the other homes. There as nothing unique about it to me. I would just nod as he pointed out each one.

As I thought about it all more and more, my anger toward him began to disappear. I could see that my heart wanted me to take this little mini journey. I could see how he is no different than all the people I see each day at work who are out their buying things to make their homes have more things in them. Building monuments to themselves through the status of having.

This is the sole motivation of the American Dream and it seems that in this he has succeeded. Yet, so many other people have succeeded in doing this also. I see thousands of them each week pass by me pushing their carts filled with things. I work in an affluent area so they are all pretty much making at least $250,000 a year.

I see that being thin and wearing athletic wear is the new status of being of wealth. Where at other times in history a larger body was more desired because it represented affluence.

All of this really helped to bring me down to Earth in viewing other people. In a way, seeing them as they are. As they are in their current state. One can seem physically beautiful but what they stand for within them is not so beautiful, at least for me. It is all based on such deep vanity. A vanity that has become the way of life for many people, as they wake up each day dedicated to this vanity and performing it as their expression.

It shows in their children and in everything they do.

As the day came near to the end, I found myself seeing what my perspective standard is in a way. I could see that none of this has to be this way. Humans could change all of this and live an entirely different life with different values and different meaning in their lives. But they seem to just fit into the mold, just as my former friend did, though he believed he was doing it all differently and the results of his life would be different from everyone else.

I see this in the women who wear many tattoos and dye their hair unnatural colors, as if trying to express their own individual uniqueness in the world, yet really only doing what everyone else is doing. There is nothing unique about them at all.

All of this they do yet never finding this uniqueness that they desire. The reason being is that they can’t see the true uniqueness within themselves. That they are a unique characteristic of the universal expression. That they are one pixel of a grand universal painting. Seemingly unseen within the painting as a whole but if they weren’t there then something would be missing from the painting.

Instead they try and try to stand out. To be more than just a pixel in a universal painting. As if raising their hands and screaming out in the vastness above them, “Look at me! I’m more unique that anyone else! I’m special!” Yet everyone else is doing the same thing and all the universe see is hands waving about and an ear piercing scream of desperation filling the empty spaces of the universe. Spaces left empty because this emptiness is the very essence of creation. Of unique expression. Only hear will one find the truth. The truth that everything comes from nothing and always returns to nothing.