As Changes Arise

The temperature is nearing 100 degrees F. today. It probably won’t go all the way but it seems it will happen in the next few days.

I had a somewhat enjoyable day. I went to the grocery store early, stopping at another store to pick up a few things I would need for maintaining my bike. It ended up being a nice walk but I was hot when I got home.

I took some times to replace the brakes on my bike, which went well. Later I received the bottom bracket. I had decided to wait until my next day off to replace it but thought that since I still have time today I could do it now. Well, it didn’t go well. I wasn’t able to loosen it. I can’t remember how I did it before. It seems I’m missing a tool of some sort. I have the special tool to remove it but I think I had a different wrench which was good for leverage.

All in all, I just put the crank back on and will do it another time. It’s often funny how it goes most times. If it doesn’t work at one time, if I wait until another time it goes smoothly. I have no idea why this is other than that there is a time for everything and I probably should have waited till my next day off to do it.

Lately I’ve been thinking about what I should do with my writing. If I should possibly start writing in a different form, such as poetry or something. I was never all that impressed by my poetry and it’s not as satisfying as prose. I then thought about the content of most of my poetry. It’s usually philosophy written in free form poetry form.

That’s when I figured that my artistic writing is simply prose philosophy, just as I commonly do. It is satisfying for me.

This morning I watched a few tennis matches. Sadly Ashleigh Barty had to retire because of an injury. Petra Kvitova is out also because of an ankle injury. She did it while doing the required post match press conferences.

Naomi Osaka pulled out of the tournament because of all the backlash she was getting for not wanting to do the press conferences. She had been fined $15,000 for not doing a press conference and also warned that she could face expulsion from the tournament.

Well, that’s the drama going on in tennis right now. Maybe this will be the year that Serena Williams can get her dream so she can finally retire and go away from tennis. Get on with her life.

I received my Tulsi powder today. As I said before, it’s hard to find good Tulsi. This Tulsi is very good so I just found a new company to buy it from. I opened the bag and the scent was very powerful. Even more so than the last batch I bought from another company, which is good also. A nice fine powder that isn’t gritty. Some are very gritty and dry, lacking the powerful scent that some say is like cloves. This Tulsi was a bit more expensive and it seems it will be worth it.

I’ve also quit smoking. I hadn’t smoked for a long time before the journey. But with the journey I also began smoking again. For me, it goes along with writing. This is another reason why I wonder what will happen with my writing. When I don’t smoke I lose the desire to write as much. I become more mellow, lacking the passion. My heart said it will be different this time.

It was interesting how it happened. I bought some cigarettes about a week ago and thought, “These are the last ones I’m buying.” So I bought some patches, mostly because I need something to ease off it, break the psychological habit, before just letting it go. This is because of my Asperger’s, which is based on routine. If I don’t have the physical craving it’s easier for me to fend of the psychological routine cravings that I have. Once I break the psychological habit then I can simply go through the physical withdrawals much easier.

For me, smoking always soothed me. Some of the worst periods of anxiety occurred while not smoking. I would from time to time buy a pack and it would soothe me but I didn’t want to start smoking all out so I wouldn’t continue.

As I said, my heart says it will be different this time. Maybe because I’ve come to understand much of who I am and how to manage those things within me, mainly my Asperger’s. She says I will feel much better.

It will be nice to let it go, which is the common theme of my life now. I still indulge in observing the world around me and thinking about it, but I don’t have an attachment to it. I just go and watch something simple and entertaining and forget about it all.

Last night I watched “America’s Got Talent.” It all seems a bit set up but I enjoy watching the talent. It’s a different experience than that of things like “The Voice.” A variety of acts and talents. Some outright unexpected.

I still wonder what will happen with my writing as all of these things change. I’ve let go of observing current events. I watch very simple things that I really enjoy, such as spending some of the afternoon simply watching “Little House on the Prairie.” I can still see trends without all the propaganda input of news and other commentary on the society,, which I find interesting.

I can only wonder where my heart is taking me now. It seems that everything is simplifying more and more. I figure I will still need some sort of outlet, such as writing. My art is writing philosophy. Which I find interesting because I have no desire to convert anyone to my perspective on life. I’m merely expressing it, much like how others write poetry. I think there is a poetic aspect to my prose.

It’s interesting that it really seems that I’m again going into the unknown. I really don’t know what is coming in the least. I’m just going along as my heart guides me, just as I’ve done throughout the journey. At times things seem clear and other times things seem murky but I just keep going forward, into the unknown.