It’s a beautiful Spring day. The sun is shining with a slight breeze. The Cottonwood trees are releasing their seeds that float freely upon the breeze with no effort of force, landing wherever the breeze takes them.
I watched a ball of these seeds float into my deck area. It floated about for a minute or so then landed on the deck floor as the breeze is lessened by the walls. I thought about picking it up and putting it out into the breeze but then decided against it, allowing fate to be where it landed and if again the breeze picks it up again, it can continue on it’s journey unhindered.
It seems we have another tennis tournament from Italy. I’m again enjoying watching Camila Giorgi again attempt to move on in this tournament. Hopefully she will.
I found it interesting that they let Serena Williams play as a wildcard then somehow her first match was against a young woman ranked in the high 800s who has only earned about $15000 in her career. So it was an easy match for Serena to win. I have to wonder about the politics of tennis in this case. We will see how Serena does once she again faces an actual competitor.
Venus Williams lost in the first round.
I’m truly enjoying being back on routine. Even the eve of my day off I continue to go to bed at the same time. Well, maybe 45 minutes later. I slept about an hour later this morning. So it worked out.
I am now regularly sleeping through the night. This is very enjoyable. I have much more energy and don’t always feel like falling asleep. I have much more energy at work and I’m thinking more clearly again.
It seems this is more evidence of my having Asperger’s. I’ve noticed that routine brings about greater focus again. I am more focused at work and at home. It is still a process of adjustment but over time I should see many things clearing up in my life.
I could even see the Asperger’s yesterday when I had to work a shift a but out of my routine, starting later in the day and it was a shorter shift. I had started to form a routine at work based on a full day of work. I was actually a little confused yesterday because I didn’t know how to prioritize my day. I had to neglect some things to get other things done.
My department was a mess. Worse than the day before when I had a full day and could spend an hour or so cleaning it up. I’m also seeing the effect of my not working the early shift as others are doing some of the stocking of my department early and making it a mess by doing so. I could see that I felt, as I described it to my manager, flustered. Out of sorts and out of sync.
This too reveals my Asperger’s. My desire to make everything right. I also noticed this as masks are now being removed for those who are fully vaccinated. I know that many of those who removed their masks at work are not fully vaccinated. I could do the same but I’m not fully vaccinated. I will continue to wear the mask for the next three weeks, being that I won’t get the second dose until a week from today and then I have to wait two weeks afterward to be fully vaccinated.
There it is again, the need to do things right. Though it might be sort of comfortable to be rid of the mask, I noticed immediately when I did take it off for a few minutes at work and felt very uncomfortable.
I talked with a coworker who was also continuing to wear her mask. She said that she actually feels uncomfortable taking of the mask for more than just not being fully vaccinated. She has come to enjoy wearing the mask. For some reason she feels more comfortable wearing it for reasons beyond the virus. In a way I felt the same but I know my uncomfortable feeling was because I know I’m not fully vaccinated and that is the rule, so my Asperger’s demands that I follow that rule.
It brought to mind all the times in my life where I desired to follow the rules. Such as my time in religions. I would attempt with all my heart to follow all the rules while others didn’t seem to care about following the rules as much. They would do it when it was convenient to them. They thought I was strange for wanting to follow them all the time. It wasn’t so much my dedication to the religion but my Asperger’s demands that I do what is right, at least according to the rules of what I’m experiencing at the time.
In other ways my Asperger’s makes me a non-conformist because the things that are expected are not right to me. Again, though I would be more accepted by others if I were to join it, it is more uncomfortable for me to do those things than it is to be seen as strange for not doing them.
Today I watched a couple of videos and noticed that my interest in such thing is waning. It seems I found what I needed from it. But I did watch a video on how Israel attacked and nearly sunk an American spy ship in 1967 during that brutal war. They did so because they didn’t want the Americans listening in to their plans to widen the war into Syria as they seemed to be attempting to conquer the whole of the Holy Land that they believe is their inheritance, which actually goes as far as Iraq.
It is the same with their recent destruction of the building housing journalists, of which Israel says was also housing people from Hamas. They simply didn’t want journalists that close to them revealing the atrocities that they are committing.
It was a very sad video about the ship that was almost sunk and how the US was actually considering sending in their ships to fully sink the ship and all onboard so as the hide the atrocity from the press and public. Instead they simply causes a press blackout and reported the incident as a mistake, which has now been revealed as being far from a mistake. But Israel seems to have some sort of power over the world, one they believe comes from “god” that they can do whatever they want and get away with it.
Maybe they can. Or maybe one day it will backfire on them. It seems that the independent press is showing that support for Israel, even by some politicians, which is something that in the past would have never happened, is waning.
All in all, I get to see it all from a completely different perspective. How, even though most governments deny it, religion is the primary motivation of most all that is going on in the world, even though most in the US are living primarily an extreme form of secularism. Even the supposed religious among them. At the same time, many are supporting all that is going on simply because they believe this is the way it is supposed to happen based on prophecies written in their sacred book. A book that seems to be guiding the fate of humanity simply because many people believe it to be true and the word of “god.”
In my perspective, it’s all simply another form of manipulation guiding humanity to their inevitable fate of reduction. A reduction that is necessary for balance and harmony to return. In a way, it’s how consciousness works, it even has to deceive itself in order to bring about the proper ends to bring about what it truly desires, balance and harmony.
It’s so fascinating to see how people constantly lie to themselves. They deceive themselves everyday. It’s all based on the information that they are attracted to and thus motivates them. Some see the only way of life as being to work hard, make lots of money and then spend that money of things that give them comfort and pleasure. There is no way to convince them otherwise. The only way they will be convinced is the day when it all comes falling down around them and then they are able to see just how vain and meaningless their lives really were.
Humans seem to learn only by experiencing the consequences. It’s like they can’t see the direct pathways of their actions and how they affect others things in life.
The funny thing is that consequences aren’t actually consequences, not in negative terms. For them it might be seen as some sort of punishment if their lives were transformed into a great lacking and loss. The only reason it would be a punishment is because they would perceive it as lacking.
The fact is that they never had anything so they would never have lost anything. Yet they had placed a value on what they had and when it is taken away it becomes a lack or loss for them. It causes them to feel an emptiness within because they were being filled from without, not from within.
Well, like I’ve said, it is all interesting to say the least. As for now, I will simply enjoy some time watching tennis. I’ve already gone grocery shopping so that’s done. I will need to so some laundry later. Or maybe I will do that right now because I might forget later.
All in all, it’s a truly beautiful day of which, now that I have much more energy, I will probably go out and simply enjoy the day.