Observing the Day

It is getting warmer and warmer outside, though still not hot. It’s in the mid 80s F. It does feel good. There’s supposed to be another day in the 80s and then it goes down to the 70s and even as low as the high 60s. It doesn’t seem there will be any more extremely cool days. It had to come sometime. I can only hope it doesn’t enter the 90s too soon. Where it’s at right now is perfect for a warm day. But I have no control over what happens with the weather.

Tennis has been interesting. I didn’t think Serena Williams was playing but she did yesterday. I had to watch it to see what happened, though I fast forwarded through it.

It was sort of a sad match. I enjoyed that she lost in her first round, which was the second round of the tournament. She must have had a bye in the first round. She lost to a young woman representing Argentina who was number 88 in the world.

I’ve always said that she should have ended her career when she was ahead, with some dignity. But she really wanted to win that last major grand slam. One more would break the record. She has been trying ever since she gave birth to her daughter but hasn’t succeeded.

At the end of the match I could see that she was tired because, even though it was only two sets, they were played to the max. The young woman from Argentina came bounding up to the net, still with energy and so happy, reaching out to give her one of those sports handshakes. Serena simply held up her racket for her to tap her racket against it.

The young woman then put her hand on her heart while saying something to Serena. It seemed she was showing honor and respect for the champion. Serena just looked away with a look of frustration and maybe a little bit of humiliation.

It was humiliating to watch. It was sort of sad. Seeing this old woman in tennis, 39 going on 40 soon, so much taller and bigger than this little young woman, as this young woman bounded energetically to the net to greet her, and her possibly finally seeing that she is old. She no longer has it.

I hope she drops out of French Open and retired. I found it disrespectful even when the commentator talked about asking Serena about her ranking, which is number 8 in the world, and Serena had no idea of what her rating was. She simply has no interest in playing anymore. Just let it go Serena. You should have done it a couple of years ago with dignity, to be remembered, not for a humiliating loss to a young woman ranked 88 in the world, but for being a champion.

But, who knows, maybe she will go to the French Open and put on a good show, though she probably won’t win it all out. Players like Sabalenka would wipe the court with her. Which would be even more humiliating for her.

Well, it was an interesting day today. The past two nights it seemed the adrenaline spikes returned, coming in the middle of the night. The night before last was the first one, coming at 3am, and I wasn’t expecting it. Because of this I didn’t control my thoughts and they ran on for the rest of the night so I didn’t sleep. Yesterday was a tired day.

Last night I prepared myself for it, even doing all I could to prevent it from happening. I woke up feeling it, turned to look at the clock and it was 3:05am. This is how it happens, at the same time each night.

This time I didn’t let my thoughts run on but simply laid back and observed the feelings. It was interesting because it felt like a powerful hum going through my body and mind. I was in a wake/sleep state and I remember thinking, “It feels like someone is putting energy through me or downloading something into me.”

After about 30 minutes I went back to sleep.

I woke not feeling very good. I felt very “anxious” for lack of a better word. Maybe more of a feeling of confusion. I liked the description I gave it. “It feels like a storm. All I have to do is weather the storm.”

So I did. I dreaded going to work because I felt so out of sorts but I continue to comply with my heart’s teaching of always going forward.

Well, in the end, I felt better today that I’ve felt in months. I was given a task when I got there that required me to become hyper focused, which my Asperger’s enjoys. I was able to take the time to go through things in detail.

I thought about how much I enjoyed this and how being able to hyper focus isn’t a flaw with having Asperger’s. It only becomes a hindrance when one gets lost in the focus, losing all ability to focus on other things in life. This was more selective hyper focus.

I noticed this a couple of days ago when I was sort of feeling lost. When I have these feelings I like to observe what it is that I seem to be craving or desiring. In this case, I noticed I got online and pulled up websites of hobbies. I’ve done this many times, each time never finding anything that satisfies. As I did this I could see that I was thinking about needing something to focus on.

So, just as my needing to have routine, I also have to have something to focus on.

It came to me later that day that the news, as it is presented, is nothing more than a group of many stories, each only offering so much information. When I read these things my mind is seeking to put together some sort of trend or pattern from them. Yet, as I thought about it, there is no pattern or trend to them because they are, in a sense, chaotic when one reads one and then another or watches one video then another about another subject.

In a way, by putting out all of this information, the trend is actually to confuse more than to inform.

At work I saw a young woman wearing a tee shirt that said, “Save the Bees.”

I sort of laughed inside because it hit me, this is focused. She is probably concerned about the environment as a whole but to focus on one aspect is probably more beneficial than to try to take in all the problems of the environment.

Other people might be interested in saving the oceans but this too is too general. Maybe they should learn everything about a coral reef that is threatened and seek to save that reef. While others might be focused on whales and saving them.

Well, I don’t care much about any of that, knowing that nature will take care of herself, but it related to me that I should simply find one thing and focus on it rather than trying to take it all in seeking to find trends.

Again, not to hyper focus and become lost in that one thing but to focus and understand that detailed thing then move to another aspect of it and focus on that. This would give my Asperger’s what it desires as giving it focus seems as important as giving it routine.

Well, I will figure all of this out more after my routine is formed more. I can see that I am feeling better because I am becoming more into a routine.

Tomorrow I will speak to the manager about things. I asked Wednesday if we could talk and he asked if we could go it Friday morning since he is off work. I had no problem with that.

One thing I’ve noticed lately here at the blog is that I have something, possibly a bot, liking my posts. I find it interesting because each of these blogs have a photo of a virginal young woman. Some of them are the same woman. One would think I would notice of the same photo appears 4 or 5 times in one post though for different blogs.

They are lifestyle and spirituality blogs. I went to see them in the reader, not opening up any links beyond WordPress, to see that some were only a week old but had anywhere from 15 to 30 posts. Some are posts credited to other people. Others are posts that seem innocent. They give a summary then you have to click a link to read the rest.

Well, I have no desire to click the link. I only wonder why someone does this sort of thing. All the posts are simply generic posts that I see elsewhere. What’s the point? I does increase my likes but it doesn’t increase my views because it doesn’t seem they are actually reading my posts but simply, possibly as a bot, liking my posts.

Just another of many observations and thoughts I have each day.