It’s a cloudy but warm day. The wind is blowing and because the trees are flowering their petals are flowing through the air. The next storm is on the way though it’s not supposed to be a large storm, it will cool it down again, which is good, at least for me.
Today my thoughts have been wandering through many things. Interesting things as I seem to be putting together all that has come to light in my awareness lately.
I wondered why it is that I watch certain videos on YouTube. Well, it’s a good observational platform. I can see all the opinions being expressed in the news, as news is nothing more than opinion based on particular biases being presented my each news outlet. Even independent news is much the same, even though they try to do their research and present the “facts” the best they can.
But I enjoy how things just appear in my recommended videos. Often things that answer questions I might have. Such as today, I came upon a video about Amazon FBA reselling. The first one I watched was about arbitrage reselling.
Well, this answered my questions about why there are so many people who come into the store where I work who constantly go through the products and scan them on their phones. Some fill up carts to overflowing with things. They go through the clearance items.
It’s not just a few but many who come in all day long.
Then there are the collectors who lurk about all day looking for things and watching me and the products I’m handling as I put them out. I happen to work in a department that is one of the main targets of all of these people.
It is the toy department. I can identify these people in a glance. They are rather dark in appearance and they literally lurk about while mothers with their children are browsing for their next new toy to play with.
They are usually dressed in black. Some wear black hoodies with the hood over their head. Others wear black caps. They are usually in their mid twenties but their are older ones. Many have beards. They look like nothing more than scavengers.
Pokemon cards are the great thing right now for collectors. We have a separate vendor who comes in to stock them and she wont say the day and time she is coming in. When she comes in it seems quiet. But as soon as one of the lurkers sees her then he gets on social media and tells the others that she is there and suddenly there is a long line at the front of the store.
For me, it’s all so bizzare that people would actually spend their time doing this but some of them make a lot of money doing this. There is one collector who is very friendly who comes in and talks with me. I know he does this because it is his strategy. He is more like a good salesman who makes his contacts with people like me, knowing that if he is friendly and even honest in his approach then I will be more likely to go and search for things for him, which I do.
He tells me much of how it works and it is insane. He said it was much better years ago but now it’s dog eat dog. People will come in and find things that they themselves aren’t looking for but they know that others are looking for them so they buy them up and then sell them at sometimes over 100% markup. He told me that he’s happy to make $10 at times on a product that might cost $100.
I don’t know if that’s true but he does have an honest look about him, as if he enjoys the hunt and the social aspect more than making huge profits.
What’s so sad about the Pokemon cards is that I have little children coming to me everyday asking if we have any. The truth is that when the vendor comes in they are sold out by the next morning and. at times, by the end of my shift that day. Though now the store has put a limit of one per customer per day to try to stop this from happening.
Now I know why I can’t keep Lego’s in stock and why I see people filling their carts to overflowing. They are coming in when they are on sale, buying them up and then reselling them, leaving the average person, usually children, unable to get the product for the sale price.
Now, as you all know, I have no interest in consumerism. I find it interesting that I help contribute to consumerism. But it is a good observational point for me, as I am programmed by the universe to simply observe life around me.
This is when I started looking at the things that are seemingly programmed within me. Such as traits that come with my Asperger’s. While I watch these videos I’m also analyzing the trends, and seeing the problems within it all, this is pretty much my one talent in life that comes through my Asperger’s. I seem to be programmed to do this.
This is when I started to look at my Asperger’s a little differently. It’s not a condition but more my programming. It offers me the ability to look at things and life differently from others. I’m also very intelligent in the things I’m programmed to do, though I can’t tell you the least in how to be more social or even in the more simple things of the society that make no sense to me at all.
Yes, I can’t read situations in life very well. I can’t read people. But now, with the awareness of this, I can work with it. I came up with a little metaphor as to how my mind sort of looks at each situation.
It seems to me that normal people come into a situation, the situation forms and somehow they are able to go from seeing the situation to responding to the situation, in some cases, with fluidity. Of course, not in all cases as their are great variables in human perspective.
For me, it’s much like it all comes to me in puzzle pieces. I have to then put the puzzle pieces together, which takes more time. In this society, speed is of the essence and doing this takes time, so people are usually impatient with me. Because of this I would try to more speedily try to put the puzzle together, often putting pieces in the wrong places, thus I get a skewed image of the situation.
I also noticed that other things are involved. Such as routine. If I have organized personal routines then interpreting situations is much easier for me. Routines like going to bed and getting up at the same time. Eating at the same time. Going to the store at the same time and day. This too is a trait of Asperger’s and when I didn’t know I had it I would often let myself go out of routine not seeing what it was doing to me, often causing me great anxiety if I got too far out of routines because then my interpretations of situations would only become more skewed, at times putting most all to the puzzles pieces in the wrong place causing me to become fearful or even to just give up on the puzzle because it doesn’t make any sense even to me.
This is usually when I would seek to run away from the situations. I noticed this instinct came up a couple of days ago when I had that awareness burst that surprised me and frightened me. At the time, my heart pointed out that my desire to run away wasn’t to run away from the situation per say but an attempt to run away from myself. But of course, if I run away my self comes with me so I would be constantly running and never able to get away from what it was that I was running away from.
So I didn’t. And everything turned out better than expected because by not running away, which is some cases has become the desire to commit suicide because I have nowhere to run away, it allowed my heart to continue the process that she herself set into motion with the burst of awareness.
This is where it seems to get strange because it is dealing with a reality that most people, even myself, are not used to dealing with. The true reality of the universe. Most people are programmed to perceive life based on the illusionary perspective of the ego which is the current perspective of the many societies of humans on the Earth today.
This has allowed me to view the ego in an even greater way. All division between people is based on ego. I again about my family, my brother in particular. He is one who goes from one thing to the next, hoping always to become rich but never being able to become rich. As he got older he would say that “god” cursed him from ever acheiving his dream.
He would try all sorts of new ways to become rich and, when he would do so, he would try to sell these ideas to others. I would come to visit him and he would bring everything out with great enthusiasm and tell me that this is what I need to be doing. This is the best thing in the world. Then, months or a year later, he would give up on that one and go on to another one, doing the same thing.
It came to me that all he was doing in trying to sell these ideas to me and others was simply to validate it to himself and his own ego.
It’s the same with many religions who go out trying to sell their beliefs to others when, in fact, by doing so they are simply trying to validate their beliefs to themselves and their own egos.
This brought me to political ideologies. Again, those of one ideology are threatened by others who believe in another ideology because they are not validating their own ideology. So they go to either those who are not of any ideology or who are confused in life and try to sell their ideology to them or they rant and rave to those who believe in their own ideology, not so much to sell others to it, though this is what they believe they are doing, but merely to validate it to themselves and their own ego.
Everything in this society is based on ego and the main objective of the ego is to separate the people from their true selves, their hearts and the reality of the universe, making people believe that they are more important than others as well as the universe and nature as a whole.
This is all I see day after day in many videos and in life itself, while I go about with little to no desire for any of it and then wonder why I can’t relate to them and socialize with them. Well, I’m programmed differently.
And when I looked at this, even being as sensitive and caring as I am for all life, I’m programmed, not to fight but to put a contrary perspective into the human stream of consciousness that, well, causes those of the ego based perspective, to literally become more defensive and thus more intense into what their egos desire, causing them to become more and more extreme and thus, aiding in their own destruction.
I’m not the only one doing this as there are many who are programmed to do this. People with no desire for the things of these societies but who work within them, even aiding the people with the things that feed their egos. Such as with me, I’m there happily helping people feed their egos with things to make their egos feel better for a little while until it needs more. I’m feeding one of their main addictions.
Their desire to fill the emptiness within them with things that can’t fill the emptiness within them, only temporarily cause them to feel an artificial sense of fullness, much like a drug, only to have the drug constantly wear off and they have to find something else to fill it.
These things describe the extreme emptiness and lack of love that I see in the world today. For me, this is a very easy trend to see but it seems it’s a trend that most people are unable to see. Just like when I was working as a data entry clerk and the accounting auditor notices that I had to the eye for seeing problems and trends within the invoices that even he couldn’t see until I pointed them, this is what I’m programmed to do.