It’s still rather warm today though the clouds still fill the sky. It was definitely a day of rest for me as I slept most of the day. I was awake very early this morning and had the opportunity to go grocery shopping at 6am as I usually do on Saturday but I wasn’t in the mood to go anywhere. I will do it tomorrow.
Around 10am I fell asleep while watching “The Big Bang Theory.” The episodes played on as I slept, waking at times to see it was still on but not waking enough to really care, only to fall back to sleep. Later I saw that the streaming service realized I wasn’t watching and the screen saver was on but again I didn’t care to do anything and simply went back to sleep.
Then I woke the last time, looked at my phone and saw it was after 6pm. When this happens it means that things are settling down and I am recovering from all that I’ve been through in the past few weeks.
I got up and went outside for a little while. I realized I was very hungry because I hadn’t eaten much all day. I made a huge batch of macaroni and cheese with filled with some Boca meatless stuff, a lot of diced onion and dices garlic. I ate a lot and still had more for tomorrow. It was really good. I like to top it off with grated parmesan cheese.
Then I saw that one of my favorite tennis players, Petra Kvitova, had played today and now that I have the luxury of Tennis Channel Plus I could watch the match in it’s entirety.
She was playing against Angelique Kerber, who is also a favorite of mine. It’s often difficult to watch such matches as I find myself cheering for both but, in this case, more so for Petra.
As I watched I read a few blog posts of those who come to read my blog. I realized it had been a while since I had done this. Again I was in awe at the creativity of a young woman who regularly visits my blog. It always makes me happy to know that such beautiful and creative people visit my blog. I would always take this over having a large amount of readers and followers. Quality over quantity.
Her posts were so gentle and genuine, with wonderful videos to watch also. It made me happy that such a gentle soul would regularly read my posts as it means that I’m not writing anything harsh or vulgar. Though at times I might write things that might not be in sync with such things but that’s what happens when I write most everyday, you get all sides of my process of living this life, even those times of great frustration that always seem to come to a climax with a great awareness.
I thought more about this and realized that these expanding processes are more difficult for me now. They take more energy. They are more intense and dramatic. I could see that the expansions happening now are different from those of the past couple of years because those of the past years were more based on the expansion of the heart within, now it’s about bringing the physical existence and the heart together, which means the awareness’ become much more intense and, well, personal to my very existence that I wake to experience with my eyes each day, learning to view it all with not only my physical eyes but also with the eyes of my heart at the same time.
Well, Petra won the match, which is a joy for me. On she goes in the Madrid tournament. Ash Barty went through the first round very easily but it seems the second round gave her some trouble based on the time of the match, which reveals it definitely went 3 sets. I will have to watch that one later.
Jelena Ostapenko, whom I’ve been watching since just after she came out from the juniors and then won the French Open, which was sort of a one hit wonder as she went into obscurity afterward, is now older and seems to be doing well for herself. Because she was no longer winning a lot she was no longer shown on the main Tennis Channel very much. So last night I got to enjoy one of her matches and to watch her win. She is still a spitfire of a player.
The one thing I’ve noticed after all that I’ve been through in the past few weeks is my perspective of others has again opened up even more. Seeing even fewer flaws in their being. Yes, I still see the general flaws in humanity, but individually, well, I’ve noticed a greater feeling of empathy for them. Not a pity but a joy in their expressions, even though much of their expressions are that of the general flaws of humanity.
Maybe it is more of a deeper feeling of love for them. A love without as much judgement in the case of their expression of the general flaws of humanity. I know my heart has been trying to show me that I must look beyond those general flaws and see the true beauty beyond it.
I could see this was happening when I was so flabbergasted when I was simply seeing that all humanity had to do was stop doing what they are doing and they could be happy, but knowing that they are programmed to be doing what they are doing. I’ve known this all along but it still is hard to wrap my mind around it. That they are actually programmed for their own self destruction and even I am helping it along by placing a contrary perspective to their condition into the human stream of consciousness.
I would rather feel that I’m helping to heal humanity, not aid in their won self destruction. But that is seeing it all from a very narrow perspective of which my heart always explains. It’s not about humanity, it’s all about the universe. A universe that is teeming with more life that one could ever fathom in their minds. Life the comes and goes just as the wind comes and goes. It takes one form then other forms. Yet no form is greater than the other forms.
So one has to realize that this is a huge thing to have to come to terms with being that I too have spent most of my life living within the illusion of human grandeur over all other things. A life based solely on the ego, satisfying the ego and constantly trying to fill the insatiable appetite of the ego.
It is not wonder that humans are consuming at such an enormous rate. Since they lack love and are living solely for the insatiable ego, this is all they do, attempt to satiate the insatiable ego. Thus this is the expression that we are experiencing right now when we look outside at humanity.
So, in general, everything that is happening is naturally happening. It is within the coding of the program written by the universe. In a way, it is sad, because humanity is so beautiful, or has the potential of such great beauty. But they are going to disappear from the face of the Earth nor from the universe. No. They will simply be humbled by the universe, which will require a great reduction in their population. It’s much like pruning back a rose bush so as to get greater quality of fruit in flowers. The same is done to apple trees.
Still, it’s so hard to take it in when my heart is truly a heart with the desire to heal, not destroy. But my heart is healing aiding in the self destruction of humanity. Not only healing humanity but all life on Earth which, in turn, affects the universe as a whole.
It is amazing that what happens here affects what is happening on planets that might be 1000s of light years away. The same goes for them, but it is almost unperceivable for humans to see it but to the universe it is a great influence, much like how a pain in the toe of the foot can affect the rest of the body and even the mind.
Well, I guess that’s about it for right now. I do feel pretty rested. I’m sure I will go back to sleep again around midnight or so. It does feel good to have a full belly of such delicious food of which I thanked my heart for providing for me.
Until next time…