Not Just Another Day

I’m sitting here beneath the clouds in the sky awaiting the next storm to arrive, which is supposed to be filled with moisture. High winds are expected tonight followed by rain tomorrow morning.

Today I finally sent an email to the therapist who specializes in Asperger’s. Just like everything I do, it was in the moment. I came home from a walk, sat down and wrote the email. I think it was a very good email. Now I wait and see what happens.

I’m not sure but it right now I’ve been extremely attracted to the music of Agnes Obel. I can now see her in a very different way. I was wondering if the perception I enjoyed yesterday would continue and it seems it is. It is so wonderful.

This morning I watched one of her concerts and continued to fill the small wastebasket next to my chair with tissues as tears filled my eyes from the beauty of her expression. I can also feel her music doing something within me. Sort of like gathering together the things that have been floating around in me and forming them into a grander image. In a way, this is what brought me to finally send the email to the therapist.

I found myself downloading several of her albums into a separate play list and I listened to her music while I was out walking. As I watched her concert I could feel all of my emotions coming to their heights. I was almost overwhelming. Afterward I interestingly felt a great balance within me. It seems she will be walking with me for a little while.

Lately, with all that has been going on in such a deep way, I’ve been wanting to write about the more lighter things also that have been happening.

I realized that the last month or so I had spent mostly with the masculine within me. It would be natural because it was a time spent solely in the physical. A few days ago I could feel the feminine come back to life within me and with this I could feel my spirituality return to me. I found it interesting that all the symbols of my spirituality had even greater meaning and feeling to me. It is definitely different from what it was before.

Again, I can feel the music of Agnes Obel enriching the feminine within me. I can feel such a deep spirituality come through her music and cause something within me to expand. I also feel an even greater sense of peace.

Over the past month I’ve been primarily eating meat. Again, it goes along with the masculine. As the feminine came alive I began going more toward eating more vegetarian. Interestingly, after watching a video last week of a woman who said she was considering going vegetarian, I commented to her about my experiences. Within it I also seemed to form something more balanced for myself. Eating meat one or two times a week and all vegetarian the rest of the week.

This may help with the protein issues I was having as well as it seems to symbolize a greater balance between the masculine and feminine within me.

I was wondering why it was that I have become a fan of the tennis player, Ashleigh Barty. I don’t usually side with the number one, as I usually cheer on the underdogs. I really enjoy her energy and I also noticed that there is a strong masculine side to her. Yet she doesn’t focus on it. She seems to express it very naturally. She doesn’t show emotion much, is very controlled in her play and she doesn’t wear very feminine outfits, though she does stay with the standard skirt type outfit, only with more masculine or neutral colors.

Her expression is so beautiful to me. I watch her play players who are more feminine and thus expressive with their emotions. She seems so different from them. I love and enjoy very much those who are more expressive but I very much enjoy Ashleigh’s expression that is more masculine but not fighting against her feminine form.

I find it interesting that her feminine form doesn’t necessarily suit her. I had to wonder if it troubles her in some way. She definitely doesn’t accentuate her feminine form as other women do. But she also doesn’t try to hide it. This is what I find so beautiful in her expression.

Well, I’m still watching the final in Stuttgart where she is playing. I could have watched it live but I would have come late into it. So I waited until it became on demand so I could watch it in it’s entirety. She definitely lost the first set but the length of the match does reveal that it went 3 sets so, as she always does, she battled back. I simply admire her in so many ways.

It seems this is all I have to say right now. I though there would have been more. Maybe it’s like when I went to the grocery store today for coffee but, on the way, I thought of a few other things I wanted, but forgot them complete once I was there. I couldn’t remember them for the life of me.

But I did get something special from the store today. About 4 months ago one of my plants died. It was the first plant that has ever died on me. She just didn’t seem to do well with me. I know she was very sensitive. So I was left with her beautiful brother who is still going strong, though I need to repot him into a larger pot so he can spread out his roots and grow more.

I’ve been looking at pots and potting soil for a while now but never in a place where I could transport it home on my bike. Also, at times when I could I would forget. He has been patient and I need to do it this week.

Well, I looked at some plants there and I came across another plant that caught my eye. I’ve been a little hesitant to get another plant after losing one. I was a little heartbroken when she died. Yet, I know that he needed a sister to keep him company. I looked at this plant, enjoyed her then put her back down and walked away. I didn’t get 20 feet away before something inside of me said that I was going to get her.

I got the coffee and found some potting soil, (which will be helpful also with repotting my other plant as now I only need get a pot,) and, as I was coming to check out I picked her up and now she is home, in the pot of the one I lost, which I cleaned out very good in case there was some sort of disease or something, and she seems happy here so far. I really hope she comes to enjoy it here. I don’t want to feel that heartbreak again. She is so beautiful and I put her on her own little table near the window, next to her brother but not crowding each other.