It’s a nice Spring day. I guess there was some rain today, at least they said it was supposed to rain a little. It wasn’t raining this morning when I went to work and it wasn’t raining when I left and it didn’t leave any clues as to any rain so, from my point of view, it didn’t rain today. Though a larger storm is expected on Monday after a very nice weekend, which I’m looking forward to enjoying.
It’s been a strange few days. It all began on Monday when I woke up feeling very strange. I didn’t know if it was a virus or what. My perspective was being affected by it as well as feeling something very different physically. Because of how life is now, I could help but think, “I wonder if it’s the Covid coming in.”
It continued into Tuesday but it was a little better. I was caught by a thought that passed through my mind on Tuesday, “It feels like I’m transforming in some way.”
It felt as if I transforming in some way mentally as well as physically. So I looked at it this way and noticed that I was literally viewing myself as a pattern.
This brought to mind how I live. Two weeks ago there were things I was interested in and doing and now I’m on to new things. It’s always been like this for me. I’m constantly changing. Just as a pattern would always change.
Then I started to look at it as if it is like music and each change is like a change in a movement of the music.
As I thought about this it came to mind what most humans are taught or seek in life. They seek consistency, especially in how they feel. If they feel different in some way that doesn’t coincide with the image they see of themselves, they do everything they can to change this feeling.
I, on the other hand, now allow all feelings to run their course without fighting or seeking to change them. Like when I felt strange on Monday. I actually thought about calling out from work. But I’ve been taught by my heart to always continue going forward. It didn’t prevent me from going forward so I had no choice but to go forward.
I even thought if it was the Covid then it would be nothing but a new adventure. I enjoyed that I felt no anxiety about it at all. It was simply something new I hadn’t experienced before and I merely treated it as such.
Now I can see that it may very well have been a great pattern change that even affected me physically, down to my atomic structure. I truly feel different and I’ve noticed I look at life differently.
Because I’m able to see my own self as a pattern, this causes me to see everyone else as a pattern. I can even see how they are often fighting against the natural pattern of who they are and their lives.
This brought to mind how even the characterizing of life, such as adolescence, teenager, young adult, adult and then elderly adult, might sort of describe the pattern but by looking at each stage as if they are separate, causes a fight between stages and also divides people. Divides them by stages. Young people view older people as somewhat of a threat. Maybe, in a way, because of having to deal with their parents who are older but also the fear of aging. This fear of aging follows them through all the stages, always divided from the latter stages until they come into them.
When, in truth, it is all the one stage of life, the process or pattern of life. It is the main pattern of all lifeforms, the difference being that humans have conscious awareness and thus view it in such a way, often missing out on the actually patterns that reveal themselves within each and every passing moment, instead fighting against each and every passing moment, just as they fight against different feelings.
I thought about how they fight for consistency in most all aspects of their lives. They often call this “discipline.” I can see now why I can’t write a full novel. I’ve tried many times but was always frustrated by the fact that I change. I change and so the story loses it’s meaning. This is why I have always enjoyed short stories, that I can write basically in the moment, some maybe taking a few days to write but most usually written in one long sitting, sometimes 20 hours or so.
I’ve tried writing longer stories but find that I’ve changed after a couple of weeks and thus I want to change the story. This could be viewed as a lack of discipline but really it’s merely the fact that I’ve always allowed my pattern to change, simply because I’ve lacked discipline.
It is very strange now to look at other people. It often seems that I’m seeing them as they truly are, animals with conscious awareness. I thought about the fact that there are groups of people, often countries, who literally despise other people and literally wish they didn’t exist. Such as the modern Jews, or Zionists and the Palestinians.
This is basically fascism or seeking to control to a point where they are willing to eliminate all that are not like them. There are many other countries, many in Africa, where this is going on also. This is very animal. In a way, it is like they are truly not aware of their conscious awareness. They are able to perform rational thought but this rational thought is overshadowed by the animal need to control their environment out of fear.
I thought about this further and it is true that modern humanity is based on fear simply because they aren’t able to rise above the animal in them. Or at least, come to understand the animal and work with it.
This might be another way of describing what I’ve always called the masculine. How the world is dominated by the masculine right now, which is the animal. The masculine is the protector and is mainly physical where the feminine is mainly spiritual or of the heart. She works and fights through the heart, not in the physical. Though by working through the heart she causes action within the physical.
All of these things are merely patterns. Patterns of unrefined energy.
This leads into the fact that, because we have conscious awareness, our perception creates our reality. The reality we see around us is sort of an unrefined reality because most of the people aren’t aware of their conscious awareness yet, because they are consciously aware, are creating a reality based on this unknowing. This is why it seems so irrational and without any guidance.
They are still acting and viewing life as merely the animal, unable to rise above to there they become the observer of the animal. They animal still remains.
One thing that came to mind is how I view sex now. I have all the same feelings and desires as anyone else. I’m aware that this is the animal. I find these feelings and desires strange now. I then look at women and I see them solely as the flower. For men, there is a magnetism to this flower. They look at the shape or form of a woman and they feel attraction toward this form.
This attraction has no regard to the woman as a person. It is purely instinctual, much like how a bee is attracted to a flower so as to extract nectar from the flower.
As I looked at the form of some women, I then looked at the reality of this feeling. Within that form, mainly the shape of the buttocks and the “V” of the front of their body, from these things come the excrements of the female. Yet, to men, they are seen as candy in a way. They hunger for the flower. At times their mouth waters when they see the form of the female.
When this observed from the higher self, it’s simply a strange thing. Yet, I’m aware that it’s natural. If seen from this point of view, the whole building of relationships and everything that goes into courtship, is simply for the man to penetrate the flower and fertilize it. All the romance and everything that goes with it is all about procreation and nothing else.
Everything else that humans have formed around this ritual is nothing more than an illusion, or fictional story line based on their base feelings of pleasure, a sense of safety and bringing forth new life from this feeling. A feeling that rarely lasts. For many, it doesn’t last long after orgasm.
Yet it is all patterns. Patterns that constantly change. Only by forcing oneself through discipline are they able to continue on with some sense of consistency in their lives. Living together for decades. Bringing forth more children and building a life of consistency for their them and their children.
Doing everything to fight against the natural pattern because humans have blinded themselves into believing that they are not of the natural pattern. They can form their own patterns in life, which causes them to constantly fight against themselves and others in this life. Living in fear because they never can create the true image of consistency which would cause them to feel safe.
They seek greater power and control over their environment. Some go to great lengths to focus all of their energy on gaining great wealth, and with this wealth, great power. As they gain more power, unconsciously, they seem to realize that the more power they have the more powerless they are, so they continue to seek even more power. Fighting against the natural ripples that form from the natural pattern of their lives, they are now splashing about causing waves to form in all directions around them.
Now, multiply this by a few billion and you have humanity. All floundering and splashing about helplessly but not willing to accept that they are helpless. They are helpless only because they have separated themselves from the natural patterns of life. They seek to create their own patterns of which only conflict with the natural patterns of life. Thus, they are constantly swimming upstream when, in all reality, they merely need let go and thus allow the stream to take them whereever the stream goes.