A Rainy Day

It’s a rainy day. A constant drizzle. It’s a Spring like storm so it’s actually somewhat refreshing. Cleansing in a way. Though it does cause it to be a humid cold which is hard to escape except for staying under a blanket.

I was watching a goose standing tall on the peak of a rooftop and I thought about how so many birds and animals are equipped for the varying conditions of the environment, being able to stand tall in the cold and rain as if it is nothing, maybe even refreshing for them.

But humans have a need for shelter and other means to keep warm and be comfortable. I can remember times when I was out stuck in the cold and rain and it felt sort of depressing and something I wanted to escape from but not being able to escape from it I would feel sort of trapped. Of course, this could simply be based on the perspective I had at the time, as we do base our lives on the comfort that can be had for humans now. To be able to sit inside under a blanket watching TV, reading or listening to music.

It is such a life where humans do very much feel separate from nature or the natural world, even though they are very much part of the natural world. All the human drama that is going on is mostly based on the concept that humans see themselves as greater than nature, focusing their intention on the conflicts between each other, as nature seems to be something they can control or avoid in most cases.

It often seems like the human world is coming to or are even at a boiling point where something has to break. Israel seems to be seeking a war with Iran, causing other countries, mainly the US, to back them. As the US attempts to negotiate with Iran it only causes Israel to seek to disrupt everything, even if it brings them to a war with Iran.

Russia is again building up troops on the border of Ukraine, which is causing other countries to be distressed. Again the US is seeking to intervene under the guise of being the peacekeeper but their influence often only makes it worse.

China is becoming less patient when it comes to Taiwan, as the US have sent over their own officials to Taiwan, only making it worse.

As with Israel, it often seems the US is seeking a war with other countries, building up the pressure rather than seeking to build relationships with them.

Many countries seem to be doing the same with their own people. They are building up surveillance states where the people have little to no privacy, even when simply out taking a walk. They seek to pass laws against protesting and even forming a facial recognition database of those who do protest, as well as billions of other people in the world.

It does have the look of a dystopian world that is forming yet, unlike the books about a dystopian world, I can’t see that humans would ever be able to fully comply with such a world. This too is building up pressure within the populations of these societies.

It’s fascinating to see things like police forcing people to comply with their facial recognition and, if they don’t, forcing them to comply. As I saw in a video from the UK of police forcing a man to remove his mask so they could facially recognize him, then taking a photo of him and then giving him a citation and a fine for not being openly compliant. Simply for walking down a street.

Police are no longer simply part of the community. They are enforcers of obedience to the law, not seeking to understand people on a human level. I don’t view police as servants of the people but as often as a threat to simply be avoided.

As this pressure builds in the people, well, you begin to see a rise in violence and other mental health issues form. People begin to experience greater anxiety. Anxiety that can lead to outright paranoia. They begin to feel they have nothing to live for and, when this happens, they then have nothing to lose. Many simply take their own lives while others take others people with them. These might be seen as more extroverted or aggressive individuals while those who commit suicide are simply passive and more introverted. It is still the same issue, dealing with the building pressure that is forming in all aspects of life.

As with all things where pressure builds, it has to release itself. Just like how when a person under great stress, finally releases it, often in a great passionate expression, they feel much better. Though what they do during that great passionate expression might leave them with immense feelings of remorse afterward.

As I go about my life, I often feel that my autism is getting worse now that I’m aware of it. I think this is because I’m no longer fighting against it or trying to feel “normal” all the time. I’m simply allowing it to unfold and experiencing it.

I also noticed that I’m observing it very closely, picking out the many good qualities and putting them aside while examining the things that I might need to work on. If I’m going to go to see a therapist, it would be good to go in understanding what it is that I’m seeking from them. Rather than spending good time and money trying to figure these things out while I’m there. Come in with a good foundation and then expand from there.

I have thought about the fact that I’m in this life as it is. Living in a society that is the “reality” around me. In some ways I find myself generalizing things of the society, which often causes me to miss the intimate details of the people within the society. I don’t like looking at them as the fools they seem to portray as they live to consume.

The US is a manic society, always on edge and pushing to the extreme. Consuming at such a great rate and it doesn’t seem the want to stop. As I’ve described it before, it’s like a freight train moving a full speed and no one is at the helm controlling it. The fuel of the train is the intense desire for power and control. Control over every aspect of life.

In the individuals, they seek to control every little aspect of their own lives and the lives of those around them. In the country they seek to control most every aspect of expression seeking to somehow form it all into some acceptable form of expression, of which not all people agree is acceptable.

They form words to describe things in a seemingly acceptable way. Supposedly seeking to be inclusive of all people but, just as with physical freedom in general, where each time a person becomes free in this way, many people becomes slaves so that person can be free, each time they highlight another for their differences, it excludes others. In a way, a sense of generalized racism or discrimination forms each time another type of individual is protected. So it is doing nothing but creating greater division, fear and anxiety within the population, rather than truly being inclusive of all diversity.

For me, I seem to enjoy inspiring others to be honest with themselves so that their expression can be an honest expression of who they truly are, without covering up their seeming flaws that don’t fit the standards that the society creates, which are constantly changing.

These are the most beautiful and pure expressions. Expressions that take courage to express because, well, others might use them against those who are expressing themselves. Simply because they are not able to be honest with their own selves. They are fighting against their own true nature of expression, seeking to express that which defines them within the society but is far from defining them as the natural human beings that they are.

Well, today I really didn’t feel like writing much. When I thought about this it came to me that when I don’t feel like writing, this might be the best time to write. It seems that these were some of the things that were on my mind. Maybe it’s just a chaotic expression that doesn’t really connect to anything. I don’t know. But I do feel better because I expressed it. A feeling of a weight coming off my back or, in this case, from inside my chest and stomach as they were feeling rather tense and out of sorts.

Back to watching tennis.