It’s been raining all day today. At one time it was raining and snowing at the same time. Now it is back to just rain. This comes after the State government issued a state of emergency for the drought that is impending on the area as the snowpack is much lower than it has been before after a very hot last couple of years. This might help a little.
After a bit of a drought in writing I decided it might be good to write a little. It’s been a very dark time over the past couple of weeks as I’ve explored things that feel like I’m being torn into pieces.
I’ve returned to a sense of duality in that fact that I am relying on my heart again. It all came about first by listening to the teachings of Eckart Tolle which later led me to listening to the teachings of Alan Watts.
They are both saying the same things but Eckart touches upon it in a much lighter way than Alan. I think that’s why Eckart is one of the most popular spiritual teachers right now. More people can relate to it.
Once I started listening to the teachings of Alan Watts, this is when things became a bit strange for me. He goes very deep into the teachings of being in the present. Of living a more natural life within the universe. I noticed that within me a great fight began as I listened to his teachings. It got to where I had to stop listening so much to his teachings simply because it would cause such a stir within me.
I can see all that Alan is teaching in reach but I simply can’t get there. The funny thing is that it only seems this way because I am already there. He states that life is not about being happy or seeking happiness. Life is about living life as it is.
“Trust the universe.” is one of the main things he teaches. To have complete faith that where we are is where we are meant to be. Of course, within me there is a fight for a control. All of this has sent me into a sort of confusing feeling of being completely out of control, much like flying a plane and then suddenly the engine stops and the plane is now falling and spinning out of control.
As I awaken I also awaken to my state in life. A life that has been running out of control for many years and has left me with a personal world that is, well, pretty much destroyed.
I watched a video by a psychologist who states that most mental illness is caused by a complexity issue. Most people suffering mental illness are facing a life seems overly complex. Many things have gone wrong and they can’t seem to get these things under control so then something breaks within them. The weakest point within them seems to break out and this is where all of their mental illness reveals itself.
I found this interesting because it is true. This is what happened to me many years ago when one thing after another kept going wrong in my life until my weakest point just broke open and the air of the balloon has been pouring out constantly making it so that I have to desparately continue to pour air into the balloon to keep it inflated. The more I put into the balloon the more than pours out of the hole which had formed in the balloon.
In some ways, going back to the teachings of Alan Watts, this means to stop trying to desparately put air into the deflating balloon but to simply let it deflate. To simply trust the universe. Trust where I am today.
My heart has told me to just take on thing at a time. To stop seeing the whole picture and trying to form a plan to resolve the entire picture. Let each thing come and then allow each things to repair each part. Not fighting to gain control but to simply see what comes each day and, sort of becoming an opportunist, taking what comes and using these things in a different way.
I found it interesting something that Alan Watts said about how we can worry and plan for things to come but, in the end, it’s not until the time comes that we actually make the decision and it’s usually made in the instant. Even if all the planning and worry hadn’t happened the same decision would have been made as the decision often doesn’t look like the images of all the planning and worry that had been experienced along the way. Just let the universe unfold as it was meant to be.
Sometimes this is difficult because it is hard to imagine that the universe cares about the petty things of the human reality. Paying bills and getting along in an insane society that seems to be everything contrary to the universe.
But actually it isn’t contrary to the universe. As Alan Watts says, all of it is an illusion and we need simply see it all as a game. In some ways I see this as that we can each create our own illusion within the reality of the universe because this illusion is an expression of the universe as we are all expressions of the universe. Therefore to simply allow the illusions within us, even though they don’t seem to conform with the illusion around us, such as the society, to simply form naturally and to not fight against them. The universe will provide for us all we need so as to express who we truly are, this illusion.
All form is an illusion. Right now we are living in form and expressing ourselves in form. Therefore all that we do each day is an illusion. Yet somehow this illusion is an expression of the reality of the universe as a whole.
So even the seemingly simple things of working to build my credit so as to reduce the pressure that this has caused in my life living within the constraints that the society places upon us is simply playing a game within the illusion.
Just as the videos I’ve been watching about economics and the stock market have said about credit. He doesn’t agree with how it works but he simply plays the game to his advantage.
Well, it’s been interesting to see how opportunities have formed for me to repair my credit. Seemingly coming out of nowhere. First one component appears then another component appears, along with my gather the knowledge I need to put these components together. So there was no need for worry or planning, All of these things have simple come at the time that they were needed.
Yet, within me I was still struggling for control. Not fully trusting yet not acting upon any of my worry or plans. In the end realized that all the worry and plans weren’t needed for the result to happen. I could have simply trusted the universe and gone along for the ride and all would have come out the same as it is coming out.
As my heart said, focus only on one thing at a time. As each component forms, take it and then join it with the other componts that appear along with gaining the knowledge to put these components together.
With this I feel one part of the complexity issue within me easing some. This one thing will lead to the next things to come as it is all connected. It isn’t all simply insignificant things, interacting with the society on it’s terms. Even though I don’t agree with how it works, I can still play the game to my advantage.
Interestingly all of this comes from the teachings of Eckart Tolle, Alan Watts and a person who teaches economics and other things. See it all as a game and play it rather than as something so serious that all of it seems to be a threat to my own survival. Put aside the desire for survival and simply live each day as it comes. Being thankful for life, no matter if it is good or bad, hot or cold, fiiled or hungry. Be thankful rather than complaining and always feeling that something has to be done, and everything seems to magically come into place as the universe intended.