It’s another cloudy day. It’s been cloudy for the last few days. At times the weather app says it’s snowing but when I look outside it isn’t snowing. I haven’t seen any moisture from these supposed storms with my own eyes but I’m not always looking outside. Still, it hasn’t been all that cold, not like it was in January.
I really don’t know what to make of life anymore. Maybe it’s because I’m really not trying to make anything of it anymore. Life is just life. It’s nice to know that simply being conscious and aware is enough, not to say that I’m always conscious and aware.
Maybe why it all comes so easy for me is because I have always been introspective and self aware. I no longer find any real purpose to introspection but I’ve always been aware of how I’m feeling and what I’m thinking, which really isn’t all that different from living consciously. The main difference is that before my thoughts and feeling would run away with me, taking me to painful places. Now I’m able to, for the most part, navigate them to better places but not always prevent them from being.
I’m not always in the present but I can come to the present much easier. At work I’m in the present for the most part, which has made me much more productive. Not so much for the company but just for myself. I work much faster and have much more energy, which benefits them but I really enjoy the feeling that it gives to me.
Hours have increased at work, not in my department but another department has been having trouble with people calling out sick so it opens up room for me to get some more hours. I have to say, I come home exhausted but I don’t mind. I really don’t mind work at all anymore. I’m not counting the days and hours till my days off.
I don’t really feel tired because I’ve noticed that when I just bring myself into the moment tiredness doesn’t seem to exist like it did before. I don’t necessarily live by the clock like I did. Yes, I still have to go to bed at a certain time and wake up at a certain time but it’s just very different now. I’m not focusing on it as I did, like focusing on the time I have till I have to go to bed, as if those are precious moments or something. Feeling I need to do something with them, which I never do anything with them really. But there was that feeling like I only had so much time.
Now I have all the time I could ever want simply because, for the most part, time doesn’t exist. There is the present moment and, well, that’s about it. Sure my mind wanders at times. Yesterday I worked very hard in my department and then was asked to stay and work in the other department. I did so but I could feel I was worn out. My mind began to wander a bit.
Like when I was pushing a cart down an aisle and a woman with two young boys stops right in the middle of the aisle. I just went around in the small bit of room that she left on the side. As I did she said, “Excuse you.” I just kept going. She then said, “Well, I am in the middle of the aisle.” Then I heard her say to her son, “Don’t you flip him off.”
That kind of bugged me for a while. Stayed in my mind. She knew she was in the wrong yet had to be rude. Then her son continued the rudeness. Really, they are simply just one of the many unconscious people in the world but I was tired so my mind caught hold of it and ran with it a little.
I can see my ego pop up throughout the day. Though my guide says that it isn’t ego if I’m aware of it. Ego is only when you are living unconsciously, not aware of it but living in it as the ego.
It’s not living in some sort of perfect Nirvana living solely in the present. It was nice to see a video of Jim Carrey talking about it. He said that after years of seeking and reading about it, one day it finally came to him and he understood. He felt that complete connection to all things and to the universe. Then he said, somewhat jokingly, “And I wish I could go back to it.”
But, like he said, he now knows what it is that he is doing when it comes to his life. Simply living consciously.
In a way, I got to experience what he described over a weekend. Then it seemed to become more challenging as challenges came up. Even yesterday I could feel myself changing role with my heart, as if she knew I was struggling. She returned at the guide and I the ego being guided so as to get me through some difficult things. Then she went quite again today and I was fine.
The universe has it all covered if only we open up to her. Simply live consciously and aware of ourselves and everything around us here in the present. This is what brings consciousness on a grand scale into this part of the universe. Simply by becoming conscious and aware brings about the very expansion that the universe desires of us on a grand scale.
It is all that Jesus, Lao Tzu, Buddha and all the many other teachers throughout history were teaching. It’s not some grand spirituality that people have to seek out. It is here within and with every single human. It is the present. Living in the present. This opens up the heart to receive all the universe desires to give to all of us.
It’s strangely ironic that most humans do everything they can to fight against it, mostly because they’ve been taught to fight against it.
All in all, it’s just nice to know that I really don’t have to do anything in life, except be conscious and aware. Everything else is simply, well, nothing. In this nothing comes inspiration to simply do in the present what comes up. Face everything in the present, rather than spending days, weeks and even months worrying about what might come when it won’t come until it arrives into the present and even then it is always much different than what the mind had made in the the day, weeks and even months before it even happened. Many times it doesn’t even happen anyway.
Well, such is life in this reality that is based on the ego. The masculine dominated reality that is current ruled by the ego of humanity. Taught to focus always on the future and on the past, the story of what we believe ourselves to be. Always forgetting who we are right now, who we truly are, here in the present.