Understanding the Way

It’s a very warm day today, almost 70 degrees F. The wind is blowing letting us know that it will change, probably very early in the morning, and then the air will cool down along with bringing in some moisture. Today it made for a nice ride home on my bike.

After a rather enjoyable weekend, I returned to work today. I’ve learned that living in the present is not something that just happens but that you do have to work for it. It does take discipline. My heart taught me discipine during my previous journey.

It was like I had a couple of days where I got to enjoy it fully. Then the challenges came in. It is always like this in everything I’ve done spiritually. You get to enjoy it for a while then the challenges come in and, for many, this makes them just walk away from it. Others might stay and try for a while but as the challenges continue, with intervals of clarity coming in between, they to give up.

For me, the challenges come with my anxiety. The chemical aspects of it. I have started having those electrical jolts while sleeping again. The ones that can easily send me into a very negative place. As I experienced them last night, I kept to the present. At times, when I might put my guard down a little, like doze off to sleep, it might get in and start causing a thought stream. I can easily take it back to present. These only lasted maybe 10 seconds before coming back to present but it was enough for me to experience it.

I watched a video where he was talking to another person about living in the present. He talked about it as if it were a game at times. “Just play with it.” he said.

I have seen that often when I look at other people I might see them through ego at first. Then I can focus in to present with them, taking away the initial named image of them and bringing them into simply a being I’m observing and experiencing.

It can seem very overwhelming at times, as I walk around looking at things and each time I always name them for the concept that they are. Like I see a flower and name it a flower that is red or the color that it might be. Then I focus into present and see it as it truly is, without definition. It takes being very deligent.

It reminds me of what my heart did with me to break me of judging people. Where each time I would judge someone, even in the slightest way, she would point it out then put me in their body so I could receive the judgement.

The difference here is that I’m the one doing. I’m now my heart who is the observer, observing the ego and then bringing the ego into focus with the present.

Like he says, over time it becomes much easier as the ego becomes more and more diminished. Each challenge allows me the opportunity to go even deeper into awareness because this is the point, simply being aware, not perfect. Remaining in constant awareness rather than becoming unconscious and simply becoming the ego again.

Today I saw a video on doing and being. How one can be doing while also simply being. He talked about how a person can even work very quickly and still be in a state of being. I have experienced this at work, where I work very quickly while within me I am in a state of present being. Of course, as I pointed out, there are moments coming back and forth but it is all about being aware and living consciously, not perfectly.

Never condemning yourself or being impatient with yourself. Simply pointing out the ego in each and every moment when ego arises. By doing this it begins to remove the tendency to condemn or be impatient with others for being who they are, which can be irritating at times. Being able to simply move around what could seem to be irritating and not judge it as being so. Therefore, not judging them for their own being.

Last night I began reading the Tao Te Ching again. It has been many years since I’ve read it. I can honestly say that it makes much more sense to me today than ever before. Just like when I started watching these videos, brought about by a book, hearing the voice of my own heart in his words, I can also see it nearly perfect as I read the Tao Te Ching. It is describing exactly what it is to live a conscious life. Written over 2000 years ago.

The Tao can’t be named but I can understand it much more than I ever did before. I have experienced it but I still can’t describe it or name it. The closest I can get to describing it is that it is the stillness within that joins with the stillness of the universe.

Of course it is much more and yet, it is nothing at all. “Approach it and there is no beginning; follow it and there is no end. You can’t know it, but you can be it, at ease in your own life. Just realize where you come from: this is the essence of wisdom.”

This is the very thing that most people are searching for, at least those who are on spiritual journey. But just as my guide pointed up, you have to first stop searching in order to find it. The search itself is based on ego.

“Do you have the patience to wait till your mud settles and the water is clear? Can you remain unmoving till the right action rises itself?”

“The Master doesn’t seek fulfillment. Not seeking, not expecting, she is present, and can welcome all things.”