Just Going With It

The days are progressively getting warmer. It was still very cold early this morning and it is slowly getting warmer today. From what the forecast says it will warm into the mid 50s today. The sun is out in full and the sky is clear and blue.

The day started very early for me today as I had the early shift. Things at work have been interesting lately. They aren’t increasing hours but they are increasingly pressuring everyone to get more done. One of the old timers once told me that they don’t care about you as a person there, they only care about getting the freight out. I didn’t necessarily believe her completely back then but I can see that it is true now. It was me who brought a sort of illusion of warmth to the place. Though there are many warm and good people who work there.

It’s easy to see that things are changing in the corporate world. They are tightening up their finances and investing in things, but not their employees.

I’ve been surprised to see that I’ve been watching many documentaries on YouTube about things I didn’t have any interest in before. Such as economics.

I’m not talking about those doomsday economic videos. More those like, “Why does this happen?” type things.

I was watching one about why things are out of stock, and not because of the virus.

Like with other things, I’m not going to say that I understand everything they are saying. I don’t really need to understand it all. I did find it interesting to see why the economy is still going strong even though so many people are seemingly out of work.

They said that it’s because those who are out of work are those who make very little money. People who work in the service sector. All the others are still working. The white collar workers. They haven’t been affected, except they may be working at home. Therefore they are still out buying things as if nothing has happened. They are the main influence on the consumerist economy. Those who work in the service sector are not so much consumers to the degree that matters or would affect the overall economy.

This is why I could understand the conservatives in Congress who want to limit who gets the $1400. They would like to see the limit of income taken way down to those who are actually affected.

The video talked about this in saying that those who don’t need it will simply spend it as extra money, possibly buying a new toy with it. While those who really need it will spend it on food, rent and bills.

I have also watch videos on history. Not the standard history but that of the true ancient history. I can’t say that it all fits in with what my heart showed me about this history of humanity.

The thing I’ve noticed is that, because they are taken from nearly random tablets that they have, it’s more random information that they are trying to put together in some sort of chronology. I’ve even see that the Old Testament itself is not so much chronological. It seems to bounce around though it is read as if it is chronological. A linear history.

The Old Testament came from the ancient tablets of the Sumerians. Even what the Sumerians wrote was about a history that was long before it was written. According to what I’ve seen, this history goes back about 450,000 years here on Earth.

The reason I find all of this interesting is that I know that we can’t understand what is happening today without understanding what happened then because what happened then is still happening today.

So I fill my mind up with all of this information, some of it relevant and some of it not. I don’t try to figure it all out or put it into context. I simply absorb the information. Then my heart says, “Now go watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer.” Meaning that I should then just let all of the information form on it’s own within my mind, rather than trying to find something within it or trying to force it together with my mind.

Really, this is all my heart did with all the information I had gained throughout my lifetime in my previous journey. I couldn’t put it all together no matter how I tried but she simply let it unfold, as if naturally, into progressively grander images. Images combining with other images.

I’ve also noticed that I’ve found videos that are really very therapeutic for me. Such as many of the After Skool videos. Good thoughts to think about and implement. I’ve even enjoyed some by Russell Brand about things like social anxiety. He really has changed and I can see he has had a spiritual awakening.

He might not tell me anything new but it’s nice to hear these things. Such as that we are tribal and we need to find like minded people to just be with. To love and serve others. To get out of our own ego.

Another one he did about negative thinking was interesting as he said this type of thinking, often worrying about your own well being or how you don’t fit in, is all ego. Just let go of the ego and, well, serve.

I’m not sure that I will find like minded people where I live. But I don’t think it requires exact like mindedness. I still think that I can find it in various ways, that personal interaction. Just by going out to various things. Even going to a group gathering at the library where they are talking about some subject. Then be open to conversation and even seek to initiate conversation.

Of course, none of this is available right now so I have to be even more inventive. Or simply get out there and see what happens once it gets warmer. I think the main thing is to not stay in and keep my mind open to whatever might come up.

This medication continues to work well. It’s not just for sleep but it is affecting other aspects of my brain. When I did some research on it they talked about the fact that they don’t know why it is effective for anxiety. They think it might affect seratonin in some way.

I’m still not taking a lot of it. Last night I just took 25mg and slept very good. I felt like I slept normally again. In fact, it’s been like this since I’ve started taking it.

I had no problem switching from a later shift yesterday to an early shift today. I like that I sleep straight through without waking. I think this is important.

I’ve even been able to start reducing the other supplement. I just started this so we will see what happens. This will take time as it is a slow process.

I don’t think I will use the medical insurance again. I’m really surprised at how much goes into it. All the referrals that the doctor put in are then sent to the insurance company, even though I haven’t decided to use them. I had to then officially say that I didn’t want to use them so they could be taken off.

It is also still so expensive. I think the only thing that really came of all of it was that I got my blood test for my thyroid and I was able to ease my mind about my overall health, which is surprisingly very good. Good as it always was.

I guess that was worth about $200. I’m hoping that is all it is. Hoping for less if possible.

The medical world has become way too intrusive into our lives. At least from my current experience. They are also not very helpful. Where I have to do to one doctor for one thing and another for another thing. This only causes the bills to add up.

Just a I do with my prescriptions, where I won’t use the insurance because I can get them cheaper through an app I have on my phone, I think I can always go to a clinic that charges by the amount of my income. This is a good time because my income is so low.

This is another interesting thing. I’m really not all that concerned with my hours as I used to be. I’ve noticed that my spending, which wasn’t all that much before, has gone down. It’s one of those interesting things where reality seems to be being altered in some way. Where nothing has so much changed but the results are changing.

I’m not sure how to describe it.

My diet is interesting now. I just eat what I need. I seem to make lots of salads now. I eat a salad with a protein source. Last night I just had an intense craving for grilled cheese sandwiches. So I had the sandwiches with a large salad filled with various veggies.

I really don’t put much thought into what I’m eating. I just go with what I feel like eating at the time and, overall, it is pretty healthy. I am into more raw veggies lately. With avocados on sale lately, they are a good addition to the salad.

I don’t know. I’m just going with it right now.